The 10 Types Of Uni Student That You’re About To Meet



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Did you just get into uni? Nervous about who and what you’re going to be faced with? Well we’ll cover the lot for you..

Here are the 10 types of student you’ll meet in the next few years of your uni life. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

The gap year knob head.


This tragedy of a human being just spent 12 month back packing across the world (getting lost in Thailand). They’ll get back just as freshers week starts for maximum tan, and they’ll tell you how spiritual it was. But don’t worry, as soon as Christmas starts they’ll be off again. Because the world needs them, apparently.

The laid back stoner.

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This guy doesn’t remember much of his first year. And he’s already forgot your name. Good to have a laugh with though. Loves food.

Rich kid on campus.

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We don’t know the guy in the pic. Sorry pal. Found you on

This breed of human is one to avoid. Unless you’re a girl with a taste for cash. You’ll most likely find this guy on Instagram, don’t bother trying to talk to him in person, you’ll have to book in advance.

The true Hip Hop fan.


These guys think Hip Hop goes no deeper than Odd Future and will punch you directly in the face if they catch you listening to Flo Rida. Say “bro” alot. Steer clear.

The festival wanker.

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These people make the gap year knob head seem half decent. Do not become one. Seriously. Never been to a live concert before Uni, spend 95% of the festival watching bands they don’t know, filming 95% of it and don’t see one act through the naked eye. Then constantly tweet about the festival until it comes around again next year. *Shudders*

The head boy/girl.

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Was head boy/girl at school. Was eager to become it again in Uni. Didn’t take them long. They’ll absolutely rinse you if you’re a bit of a d*ck head. Rarely spotted with more than 0 company.

The professional masturbator.

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Will be late for EVERYTHING. And you know exactly why. Will tell you he’s going for a shower, then will tweet “time for a shower” 10 minutes later. You know exactly what happened in those 10 minutes. Never shake his hand.

The secret swot.

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Can be found in quiet areas of campus. Often off campus. Probably in a wheelie bin within a 10 mile radius of the uni, with his/her laptop. Will tell you they didn’t revise and don’t really care about their studies. Then will graduate with high honours. Ye ryt m8.

The boyfriend.

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The one that enrolled with a girlfriend, and spends every single waking spare minute travelling up and down the country to see her, thanks to his student loan. When not absent, can be found on his laptop in his room or with his head in his phone and uses the letter “x” a lot.

The one that is never outdone.

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You get drunk a lot. And do daft sh*t. But this is the lad that makes the Facebook headlines every weekend, and has a liver as black as night. Not a single hope for the future. Just be there for him while you can.

There are way too many others! But we’ll leave the rest up to you.

Who have we missed? let us know!