So it’s Christmas day, and as much as you love your family and you’ve missed them loads whilst you’ve been away “working”, their company is much more enjoyable when you’re smashed off your tits. Especially when the extended family come to visit and you have to endure hours of small talk.
We’re here to help you get through all that.
The rules are simple, whenever any of the following things happen, you take a swig of your drink or take a shot. Or both. It’s Christmas for f*ck sake.
1. For every hour before 10am that your younger sibling decides to wake you up at – drink.
2. For every Oscar winning performance of someone trying not to look disappointed when opening a shit present, including you – drink.
3. For every time you get something you’ve already got – drink.
4. For every time your Mum attempts to save the discarded wrapping paper for the next present wrapping opportunity – drink.
5. For every toy you have to build/setup/play with for the sake of your younger sibling – drink.
6. For every digital product you have to set up for the sake of your older relatives – drink.
7. For every time someone shakes a present – drink.
8. For every time you realise you haven’t got batteries for the present you’ve just been given – drink.
9. For every hour after 1pm that you are still in your Pyjamas – drink.
10. For every time an older relative (excluding parents) tries to kiss you – drink.
11. For every Brussel sprout that goes untouched – drink.
12. For every time someone recommends playing charades or another dull but mandatory family game – drink.
13. For every drunk person by 9pm (including yourself) – drink.
14. For every time someone says “I’m stuffed” after Christmas dinner – drink.
15. For every time a child does something that is fucking annoying – drink.
16. For every time you get a present that is clearly regifted after the original owner clearly didn’t want it – drink.
17. Put a Santa hat on the corner of your TV, for every time someone ends up wearing it – drink.
Okay so we understand you may want to play the game quite lightly. Because you’re going to end up in hospital if you follow it religiously. And we don’t want that. Enjoy Christmas appropriately people, get a partner in crime and drink responsibly!