A young hipster was today rushed to hospital after suffering a slipped disk believed to have been caused by the unmanageable strain brought on by the weight of his own pretentiousness.
“You don’t think that things like elaborating at length on the films of Wes Anderson, growing a beard or reading Kierkegaard on the bus can have such an impact on the human body but they do,” explained recuperating hipster Andy Lawrence.
“I realise I’ve been carrying around a lot of weighty and lofty notions about myself, such as that I’m somehow vaguely better than everyone else without even trying, and that I’m part of an avant-garde and exclusive urban intelligentsia,” continued Andy. “But those ideas take their toll as does the weight of my foot long beard, tartan bow-tie, Walkman with oversized Beats headphones and heavy satin vintage tunic, none of which are good for an already conceptually encumbered spine.”
The attending physicians and witnesses report that the straw that broke the Camel smoker’s back was an “ironic straw fedora” that Andy, seen here in the weeks before the accident, wore as a joke during a recent vegetarian BBQ convention “as a commentary on how like straw hats are lame and that”.
Doctors have insisted that Andy rest up for the next few months and undergo no unnecessarily arduous activities like “scoffing at people who hold a sincere interest in something, making his own hummus, drinking gin from old jam jars or standing in corners at parties with practiced aloofness for any longer than ten minutes at a time”.
“If you are a hipster and feel you may be at risk ensure you check yourself regularly by being willing to laugh at yourself, realise your own unimportance and nurture a personality that isn’t based around a smug self regard and adherence to ever changing trends,” advised doctors as part of their Don’t Be A Dick initiative against Hipster Back Rot.
Original article written by Stu of Wunderground.
Calm down. This is a satirical article.