Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a doctor?
It’s not all like Greys Anatomy or ER, and before you can even call yourself a qualified GP or surgeon, you have to go through years of gruelling training.
That’s why it’s so interesting to hear a group of medical students talk about their experiences with dead bodies, and it’s as weird and wonderful as you might think.
From smells to getting hungry to missing appendages, they’ve seen it all, and thanks to Vice, we can now read their thoughts too.
Here are some of the best ones…
Missing Penis – SAY WHAT?
“Once, a teacher told us about how a body’s penis simply vanished. Seemingly, someone cut it off and took it home. There’s plenty of necrophilia jokes floating about, typically between alpha males. Stuff like: ‘If you need a shag, there’s plenty of fit birds in the lab.'”
– Ciprian, 1st year student
Pretending to Wank Corpses Off – really not sure what to make of this
“I’m quite fond of corpses because, unlike living people, they don’t speak. When I started dealing with dead bodies, I found it hard to believe they’d ever actually been alive. A live human and a dead human felt like two different things.
One time, a colleague dared me to make a cadaver smile, so I pulled at its cheeks and did it. My colleague then took the corpse’s hand and made it look as if he was jerking himself off. It was fun, especially because our teacher was laughing as well.”
– Cristian, 3rd year student
Laying Off The Rice – what fat?
“My anatomy teacher once told me that they preserve bodies by casually hanging them from ropes in a formalin pool in the university basement. I always wanted to see it but I have never been allowed in.
One time, we got a body that had his dick cut off. It was pretty awkward to look at, especially for the guys. The worst thing I’ve witnessed is armpit fat. It looked so similar to rice that I couldn’t eat the stuff for about a year.”
– Alin, 3rd year student
Raisins – it probably is hard not to get attached, or at least a bit morbid
“Sometimes you’ll get emotionally attached to a particular cadaver. After having seen it so many times during the semester, you begin to hope you’ll get the same one for your practical exam. Some of the corpses I’ve seen had their eyes wide-open but they hardly looked like eyes anymore – they looked more like raisins. Life is a fragile thing, really; After you die, there’s most likely nothing else.”
– Alina, 4th year student.
Salted Cadavers – people really do get hungry after anything it seems
“The smell of formalin – the stuff that preserves bodies – always makes me hungry. There’s a certain flavour to it. To stop corpses from rotting, we sprinkle them with salt, which, mixed with the formalin, gives the corpses this weird food-like smell.
Sure, I’m scared of dying, but it’s going to happen to all of us whether we like it or not. I’m just grateful I’ve been given the chance to learn about so many things. That’s what keeps me going.”
– Andrei, 4th year student
Corpse Selfies – because of course selfies have to be taken by a dead body
“People take selfies all over the place, so why shouldn’t they do it at medical school too? Taking a selfie with a corpse isn’t any more complex than a window washer taking a selfie whilst cleaning windows. The only real difference is that a board of ethics could give you a hard time for the former. According to current regulations, corpse selfies are forbidden.
Lab jokes are usually pretty macabre – the morgue is not really a space for political correctness. That said, I’m yet to meet anyone who’s bothered by it or doesn’t appreciate the funny side of dealing with dead people. You know that game, “Marco Polo”? One time, I hid my mate’s pen in a cadaver and we played that. Another time, right around Christmas, one of my mates dressed a body up like Santa Claus.”
– Bogdan, 6th year student