Since the dawn of social media, British culture has had some highs points and some low points. But what social media is good at, let me tell you, is starting trends.
One trend in particular has been sweeping the social media world for the past few years, peaking at some random point in time, then just staying there, in my eyeline, every time I refresh my news feed and/or timeline. Basically, what I’m trying to say is (if you somehow didn’t catch it), is that this trend in particular is like the Bubonic f*cking plague.
Yes, I’m talking about the inception of the cheeky Nando’s.
So what is a cheeky Nando’s and how can you acquire one?
Well, firstly, you have to send out the bat signal, and since you’re never going to actually use your mobile phone to invite someone with your speaking voice, the best option is definitely Twitter. But one thing to remember is, you must never forget the hand signal at the end of the tweet. Your Nando’s will be far from cheeky if you forget to use this – and it may cost you some valuable retweets, which is never good for morale.
Once you have gathered at least one person for the venture, there are many different ways to experience your Nando’s in the cheekiest of fashions, but the crux of it, basically, is when you roll to an establishment with the lads / boyos / fam / team / squad, then crack on with some outrageous banter before heading to the counter to order the ‘usual’. The usual will often vary from a range of things, but most of the time it will involve some form of lemon & herb chicken with an extra hot flag you asked the fit waitress to stick on for you while you entered your digits into the card reader.
And don’t forget the mandatory uniform…
The above image is just one of many choices, and won’t often stray too far. As long as you have a sick fade, a pair of trainers originally made for exercising in, and are dressed as casually smart as possible, usually with a t-shirt down to your ankles, you are ready to absolutely smash it.
There has recently been a bit of confusion overseas, mainly in the USA, regarding Nando’s and its cheekiness. So we’re hoping the above instructions cleared that up for our international friends.
And while we’ve hopefully taught you what a cheeky Nando’s is, and how to acquire one, there are a variety of different things that you can do to ensure your time in the popular restaurant was as cheeky as possible…
Cop a ‘free water’ then use the glasses to steal some Coke, because you’re skint and do not play by the rules
Start with the houmous, because you’ve done this before and you are in full control of your order
Make sure you roll with the fam, so the whole restaurant knows you are a sociable renegade
Don’t forget to take a selfie for Insta either before or after your food. Otherwise, the whole trip was a massive waste of time
Sit the X hot sauce on your table. You’re not going to use it, but you look like a G with a kevlar mouth
Channel your inner Archbishop of Banterbury, because there is no place more fitting to unleash your banter
And if you ever feel that your food was just not cheeky enough, you can always sue them, for ruining your experience