Penis Implants Are Now A Thing, In Case You’re Feeling Inadequate

By : Kieron CurtisTwitterLogo

Penis Implants Are Now A Thing, In Case Youre Feeling Inadequate Screen Shot 2016 01 28 at 15.42.42westwoodbanana

Good news if you’re not happy with the size of your penis, because there’s now a 45 minute procedure to increase both length and girth.

Speaking to GQ, the creator of the Penuma implant has revealed that he only offers enlargements from a large upwards.


James Elist, M.D. said:

Nobody wants a small. So we don’t have a small, we don’t have a medium. We start from large.

But the surgery does not come cheap. Elist charges his patients $13,000 (roughly £9,000).

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The Penuma works by inserting a silicone sheath directly into the penis, leaving enough room for bloodflow to continue.


According to GQ, the results are immediate and patients are capable of walking away after just 45 minutes under the knife. Sex, however, is not permitted for four months while the sheath settles comfortably into place.

What is surprising is that a large number of patients weren’t actually struggling for size to begin with.

A 43-year-old plumber who opted for the enhancement was allegedly already six inches long when he received an XL implant.

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He explained that sexual inadequacy was a motivation:

I didn’t feel like I was doing my job like I was supposed to.

His wife had previously claimed his size had never been an issue, but his concerns led to performance issues. She has since revealed the Penuma has transformed their sex life.

She told GQ:

He’s been a sexual maniac. He has erections all day long, every day now. We haven’t had this much sex since when we first got together.

With reviews like that it’s hardly surprising that Elist originally called the implant ‘Hap-penis’. What a time to be alive!