Police services across Ireland and the U.K. have issued a warning over a “super strong” batch of ketamine that is currently in circulation which is believed to be stronger than both the horse and rhino varieties of the party drug, having been designed expressly for use on dinosaurs.
The batch itself, looks like normal ketamine, but is said to be up to ten times “more powerful” and nearly fifty times “better for getting a wobble on” according to anecdotal evidence from users.
So far no-one has been seriously injured from the use of the “dino-Ket” or “K-Rex”, but police are warning people to “take little bumps” first to make sure that you can handle the “absolutely prehistoric K-holes” that the drug is said to induce.
“It’s the same ketamine that they used to tranquilize dinosaurs on the island of failed theme park Jurassic Park,” claimed a spokesperson. “So while it didn’t stop the dinosaur rampage that engulfed that island it will be extremely effective on smaller animals like deep house fans.”
“It has been known at doses to knock out stegosauruses,” explained the expert, “but will be less effective on larger dinosaurs like brontosauruses or tyrannosaurus rex’s.”
“Stegosauruses, being docile herbivores just get nicely flaked and enjoy the wobble,” continued the expert. “But if you injected a tyrannosaurus rex with it they’ve been known to just put on some tech-house and do air-piano with their tiny arms while swaying for a few minutes. Almost immediately after it wears off though it’ll almost certainly try to kill and eat you again.”
If you think that you or someone you know may have bought some dino-K then police urge you to “keep some of it in case any roaming dinosaurs have escaped Jurassic Park and are breeding on a lost world, in which case you may need the ketamine for more than recreation”.
Original article written by Stu of Wunderground.
Calm down. This is a satirical article.