It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, eventually you’ll have an argument, but scientists say how we deal with the fallout of a row can make or break a relationship.
John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and founder of the Gottman Institute, says that the success of a relationship all depends on how you react after an argument, Business Insider reports.
Gottman used the example of going shopping. You’ve asked your partner to buy something but when they come home they’ve forgotten it and you get into an argument.
He asks, do you get annoyed but eventually understand that your partner didn’t do it deliberately? Or instead do you get angry and think ‘what an absolute idiot’?
If you took the second option then watch out, you’re showing signs of contempt which is a huge red flag.
Gottman claims that contempt, a mix of anger and disgust, is more toxic than simple frustration or negativity as it involves seeing your partner as beneath you, rather than as an equal.
His study found contempt was so powerful that they can use it — along with the negative behaviours of criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling — to predict divorce with 93 per cent accuracy.
A study of 373 newlyweds indicated that couples who showed contempt for each other, or simply began to disengage from conflict within the first year of marriage were more likely to divorce.
It’s a simple lesson really, learn to forgive and forget, for the sake of your relationship…