Spider Found In Tesco Bananas That Can Give Four-Hour Erection

By : Charlie MartinTwitterLogo


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A mother opened a bunch of bananas to find a rare spider with has a bite that can give a man a painful four-hour long erection. Every little helps.

The mother was apparently scared stiff when her daughter noticed something funny inside one of the bananas. She stated “My husband bought the bananas from Tesco”, he must’ve thought that’d be cheaper than buying Viagra.

She also added:

Siri asked for a banana. The first banana had a funny bit on it, so I got another one for her and that was when I found the massive spider cocoon. There was a spider web on the other bananas too. I was so scared – I don’t like spiders at the best of times, but have read about the Brazilian Wandering Spiders – and was very frightened about the potential threat.

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The mother wasn’t impressed with Tesco’s response to the situation:

Tesco were a bit useless, I was really concerned about the possibility of this dangerous spider and spider eggs in my house and really wanted some helpful advice on how to act.

I called Food Standards but they said it wasn’t anything to do with them, I called Trading Standards but they were shut. I spent an hour-and-a-half ringing round trying to get some help – while I had this potentially killer spider in the house.

A spokesperson for Tesco has responded, but didn’t include an apology to the potentially harmful fruit.

Our policy is for the customer to take the product to the store where it can be investigated. We don’t have a service whereby someone can go out to the home.

I imagine other items on the shopping list included 2 steaks, to drop a few hints for what day is coming up…