So Father’s Day is next Sunday (June 21st), which means that it’s time to come up with at least a token gift for your dad who has most likely been bankrolling you for years.
Let’s be honest, there are only so many craft beer gift selections, ‘Number One Dad’ mugs and novelty socks you can buy before everyone gets a boredom-induced nosebleed, so maybe this year it’s time to push the boat out.
Here are some ideas…
The Phantom 3 Professional Drone
Despite increasing worries about privacy issues, drones have gained huge popularity lately. Once limited to a military context they are now used in a wide range of professional and domestic settings. With each design becoming more user friendly and sophisticated they are quickly becoming the latest must-have boys toy.
For an extortionate £1,299 you can get your dad the ultimate in glorified remote-control helicopter technology; the Phantom 3 Professional Drone. Then he will be able to take pictures or make videos from extraordinary heights whilst keeping his feet firmly on the ground.
Masculinity points: 7/10
Click here for more info.
Trombone Iphone Speaker Dock
If you have £1,000 to throw away then do it in style with this trombone docking station. Because why the fuck not?
Masculinity points: 2/10
Click here to waste your hard earned cash.
BBQ Meat Branding Iron
Much like the trombone docking station this present is totally pointless but unquestionably more macho. Now you can ensure that your old man can take ownership of the manliest part of the Sunday roast by branding it. Most likely one of those products that gets used once (due to politeness) then gathers dust until being lost to the inevitable car boot sale or trip to the charity shop.
Masculinity points: 9/10
Click here to get branding.
World’s Hottest Chilli Powders in a Matchbox
Let him prove how tough he is, you know he wants to…
This tiny but potent box contains the hottest chilli powders ever tested. These include current world champion Scorpion Moruga (2,000,000 SHU), a former world hottest Butch T (1,500,000 SHU) and the 7 Pot (1,300,000 SHU). I have literally zero clue what this means but it sounds good.
Masculinity points: 10/10 (if he can handle it, if not 2/10)
Click here to see your father humiliate himself.
We all know that one of the specifications of fatherhood is owning a toolbox. The majority of dads pride themselves on their DIY skills. Show you appreciate him tackling those rusty nails and dodgy screws by providing a personal tool for him to continue doing so.
Masculinity points: 8/10
Click here to check it out.
Race a Supercar
Anything to do with cars is a safe gift for most men. Starting at £199 for a few laps, your dad can realise his dream of steaming a Lamborghini around a racetrack. The package comes with a one hour instructional safety video and then a professional driver will be in the passenger seat for the duration of the laps to avoid anyone dying. This nearly always works.
Masculinity points: 6/10
Click here to book.
Samurai Kitchen Knives
Want to buy a present that your dad will at least be able to feign interest in and simultaneously piss your mum off? We have just the gift for you: Samurai Kitchen Knives.
We all know that anything that requires a breach in health and safety protocol is likely to be a good laugh. With that in mind imagine the endless hours of fun that can be generated by challenging your dad to throw pieces of veg and slice them mid-air whilst making sounds such as “boom!” or “swish!”.
Masculinity points: 5/10
Click here to let the kung-fu slicing commence.
Alternatively, if you can’t be arsed buying any of the ridiculous presents above I’m sure that a Moonpig card and 8-pack of Guinness will suffice.