You’ve often done it as you’re walking through Ikea with the missus. Parked your arse on one of the fake living room chairs or lay down in one of the bedrooms as you realise it’s a lot more liveable than your own shitty home.
Just me? Fair enough. Well Bro Bible writer Harvey Champine did something along those lines. Well, I say along those lines. The dude decided to see how long he could actually live in Ikea for without being caught. And now I want to try myself.
He explains how he went to Ikea on a day off work and decided to eat a shit load of cheap store hot dogs. Then (as you do) climbed up into a lofted bed area where he eventually fell asleep. Unnoticed. For four hours.
In my haze I’d mixed up the AM/PM on my alarm. IKEA had been closed for four hours when I awoke to find myself locked within a completely dark and deserted window-less store full of confusing Swedish script. If motion sensors existed I’d be caught and have to explain what I’d done and why now this lofted mattress pad now reeked of hot-dog sweat. I wouldn’t leave this bed. This was my camp now. This had become my adventure.
When he woke up the next morning the store was bustling with homeowners and people buying crap plastic greenery for their lacklustre kitchens. He goes on to explain how he decided to go and have breakfast in the cafe, then went for another nap, hiding himself amongst a pile of rugs.
The day began with breakfast in the café. Money is obsolete when you’re fine with just interrupting and straight up asking people for their leftover meatballs. From there I took a nap under a pile of rugs, the lingonberry sauce and my dingleberry sauce coalescing together into a series of silent-but-dank farts that deterred any investigators.
That’s pretty much as far as it goes. Unless you want us to mention that he grabbed a bottle of wine from a garage over the road then continued to roam the store secretly sipping it while looking for other places to relax and watch the world go by.
He ends by stating that the Swedish store will be getting five stars from him on TripAdvisor. Which I’m sure they’ll be over the moon with.
[via Bro Bible]