The UNILAD Alternative Premier League Awards

By : Rebecca KnightTwitterLogo


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So, the football season is over, domestically at least. Chelsea dominated, Louis van Gaal managed to get Manchester United a top four finish, Mario Balotelli had Liverpool fans thinking ‘Why Never You’ and Tim Sherwood somehow got Aston Villa to the FA Cup final and keep them up. Oh, and apparently Alan Pardew is a managerial genius.

Eden Hazard and Jose Mourinho might have won their awards for manager and player of the season, but here are our UNILAD alternative awards…

Best buy of the season: Mario Balotelli to Liverpool

For the single reason that Radamel Falcao qualifies as a loan deal, and United were able to ship him off, Mario Balotelli takes this award with gusto. The Liverpool forward may have been scapegoated this season by his perma tanned, botoxed manager Brendan Rodgers, but Balotelli hasn’t been good enough by a long shot. Luckily for Liverpool fans, he is apparently staying at Anfield, so can try again next season.

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Worst prediction of the season:

Liverpool fans thinking it really was ‘their season’ (because we’ve never heard that before) after coming so close to lifting the title last time out. Sorry Brendan but no matter if you play three at the back or four, your defence is still crap, playing Sterling as a lone forward was only marginally better than trying Adam Lallana there and Mario Balotelli was as bad as he is mad.

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Biggest shock of the season: Bradford or MK Dons?

It really is a toss up between Bradford managing to come from two goals down at Stamford Bridge and MK Dons beating Manchester United 4-0. Either could qualify, let’s be honest, and after some obligatory ‘it’s only the FA / League Cup’ from the Chelsea and United fans, they quickly forgot about it.

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Survival of the season: Leicester City

Everyone had written them off and even their own manager was walking a tightrope after his scuffle with Crystal Palace’s James McArthur, but against all the odds, Leicester City managed to stay up and impress more than a couple of people along the way. Oh, and their manager also gave one of the most entertaining press conferences of the season after his ostrich tirade at a journalist following defeat at the hands of Mourinho’s Chelsea.

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Biggest over-rating of the season: Harry Kane (queue abuse)

Harry Kane, who according to some Spurs fans and the media, is the best forward in the world, could teach Eden Hazard a thing or two and frankly, will be leading England to the next World Cup. Granted, he did lead Spurs to a fifth place finish and managed to score against Arsenal, and for Daniel Levy, that’s more than enough to try and flog him to Real Madrid this time next year for an astronomical amount.

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Most bizarre sending off of the season: Cesc Fabregas at West Brom

Take a bow Cesc Fabreags. The Chelsea midfielder kicked the ball over to a cluster of West Brom players and managed to see red for it. His ban won’t carry over to next season, because no one wants to deal with Jose Mourinho moaning if that had been the case. Cesc wasn’t too bothered, promptly jetting off on holiday with his WAG and enjoying the fact that he finally has a Premier League title and not a fourth place trophy. Sorry, Arsenal fans.

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Biggest touchline wanker of the season: Tim Sherwood

Step forward Tim Sherwood. The gilet wearing Aston Villa manager checked his pulse after the Midlands derby win to show Villa were ‘alive and kicking’, but really just looked like an absolute tosser. Not much new there, then.

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Best advice of the season:

Even when he’s drunk, Louis van Gaal manages to be a bigger boss than most people can when they’re on top sober form. His speech at the Manchester United Player of the Year awards did far more than a naked Kim Kardashian when it came to sending the internet into meltdown, and now we know you have always got to ‘PAY ATTENTION TO THE MANAGER’.

Best ‘banter’ of the season: Chelsea fans and their laminated card

Chelsea fans and their signs, obviously. They were f*cking laminated for f*ck sake. Either that or another Chelsea fan taking a selfie of himself taking a selfie. The fans that just keep on giving. Bar when it comes to actually supporting their side as Gerrard pointed out, or turning up for bus parades. They seem to be busy on those days.

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Best send off of the season: Stevie G, come on down

Speaking of Steven Gerrard… His send off from Liverpool was cringeworthy at best and really, how the club and Gerrard didn’t expect the Crystal Palace debacle after last season remains to be seen. Palace may have been half expected, Stoke was not. A 6-1 sending off was not what the midfielder wanted, but at least he scored against Chelsea – and not for them at Stamford Bridge for once.

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Best chant of the season: YAYA KOLO

Now there have been some crackers, Jose Mourinho trying and failing to sing ‘Blue is the Colour’ and all the fans up and down the country getting right on the Gerrard / Demba Ba chant, but there is only one winner. The Liverpool squad’s rendition of the Yaya / Kolo Toure chant led by skipper Steven Gerrard doing what can only be described as a crab dance won’t be beaten. Ever.

Best bit of summer business:

The summer transfer window hasn’t even got going yet, but the best bit of business has already been done – AND WILL NOT BE TOPPED. Liverpool handing a new deal to Kolo Toure really has taken the biscuit and while the Liverpool players may have enjoyed their little foray into Toure chanting, fans and Twitter went into meltdown, and rightly so. What on earth, Brendan!

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  3. Football Daily