10 Things I Learnt When I Became A Vaper

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In partnership with Vape Direct

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These days, hundreds of thousands of smokers are making the switch from traditional cigarettes to e-cigs. 

And I’ve become one of them! Ask any other smoker and it’s easy to see why switching to vaping is generally considered a useful way to finally quite smoking cigarettes for good!

But that’s not the only way they leave those nasty ciggies in the shade….

You’re Only Inhaling Nicotine & Water Vapour

vaper 1 10 Things I Learnt When I Became A VaperTwitter

Yay! Of all the benefits of switching to e-cigs for me one of the main things (besides looking like a cast member of The Fifth Element) was the knowledge that I’d only be inhaling the e-juice itself, which is made up of nicotine, water vapour plus a delicious flavouring!  That’s only 3 simple ingredients – and don’t all the best things in life come in threes – the bacon, lettuce and tomato in a BLT, Destiny’s Child and of course, threesomes. Result!

You Can Perform 5 Minutes Of Rigorous Love Making Without Coughing Up A Lung

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Remember that time when you were having sex with your partner and within about five minutes you had to breathlessly ask to go on the bottom before your face exploded through lack of oxygen? Well, smoking caused that!

As well as sapping your stamina and lung capacity, cigarette smoking can also negatively affect blood flow to the genitals meaning you’re less likely to stand to attention. Switch to vaping = have better, longer sex. You know, the sort they have in 80s films with nice lighting and toned buttocks.

Your Breath & Clothes Won’t Stink Like You’ve Been Licking Ashtrays

smoker 10 Things I Learnt When I Became A Vapersvetlana faldina

I know that as a smoker, kissing someone and tasting nicotine is a weird pleasure, but I’m pretty sure that for the rest of humanity it’s pretty disgusting – like seasoning a perfectly good meal with a sprinkling of tobacco.

Kissing a vaper however, with the smorgasbord of flavours available, is an enchanting experience like tasting the subtle notes in a fine wine or licking a rainbow made out of bubblegum and chocolate. So, now that I’m a vaper please form an orderly queue ladies….

Your Fingers & Teeth Won’t Take On The Yellow Hue Of Homer Simpson’s Face

smoking 10 Things I Learnt When I Became A VaperTheScienceForum

“Hey, what’s up with your fingers man? Are you dying of liver failure or have you just spent the last several years accidentally urinating onto your fingertips so that a callus of yellowish skin-crust has built up?”

“No, nothing as disgusting as that, I’m a smoker and this foul-smelling sediment is just years and years of tobacco smoke literally staining my skin.”

The above conversation has probably never happened to a real life smoker but I know that I’ve often looked down on my own yellowed fingers and felt like some kind of crap version of Goldfinger.

Think of it like this, would anyone besides a desperate smoker want to seductively suck on those stained fingers? No! Well, maybe German football manager Joachim Low…

You’ll Have More Flavour Options Than Plain Tobacco

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Imagine every food you’ve ever had tasted being completely identical, maybe like eating some kind of Orwellian grey gruel. That’s what smoking tobacco is like.

Now, imagine someone told you you’ve been unwittingly eating from the gruel-only menu and that there’s actually a normal menu with delicious things like crème brûlée, strawberries and medium rare steak available. That’s what vaping is like.

You Can Blow Elaborate Smoke Clouds

gandalf 10 Things I Learnt When I Became A VaperNew Line Cinema

For those of you who don’t know, being wreathed in gentle billows of smoke can make you feel like you’re a ninja walking onstage through a layer of dry ice as part of an 80s hair metal group…minus the tight pants, big hair and unnecessary guitar solos!! 

With the added smoke generating capabilities of vapes, you’ll also be able to chug clouds with the best of them.

You’ll Be Able To Taste Food Again

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Remember back before you smoked when you could actually taste food? Back when your tongue wasn’t a toxic wasteland, left devastated through years of smoking?

Well, those days will be back again if you make the switch to a vape because within two weeks of giving up smoking both my taste and smell started to return to pre-smoking levels! Now any time I have a piece of cheesecake I look like Greg Wallace licking his own reflection. 

You’ll Save The Money You Waste On Cigarettes

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Vaping is way cheaper than smoking, meaning you’ll be able to spend your money on the important (read: boring) things in life like weddings, mortgages and children….or you could just use it to buy sweets! 

You’ll Look Like A Time Travelling Super Cop

vaping culture 10 Things I Learnt When I Became A VaperMobile Living

Whereas with smoking I looked like an extra in Mad Men or like I might suddenly start hacking greenish goo up, when I vape I straight up look like I’m about to summon a flying motorcycle, fire a laser beam or retire a Replicant at any second. 

I’m Not Forced To Vape Outside The Pub In The Rain!

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You can vape pretty much anywhere! Unlike smoking there’s no massive public campaign of disapproval against vaping causing you to huddle outside the pub in the rain like an extra in some bleak Soviet spy drama.

Ready to take the leap? Check out Vape Direct for their starter kits, e-liquids and mods all in one place.