Man Marries Pizza Because ‘Pizza Would Not Betray You And I Love It’

By : Jamie RobertsTwitterLogo

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Now I love pizza, it’s amazing and I’m sure all of you will agree.

But my love for pizza remains strictly platonic – it stems from my desire to eat it, not put a fucking ring on it.

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Which is exactly what this guy did, sort of, I mean there are no fingers on a pizza so I don’t think he literally placed a wedding ring on there. But he did marry one, regardless of its lack of fingers – one of the many downsides of being married to a pizza.

The Russian man – of course he was Russian – tied the knot with a pizza at a ceremony in a pizzeria in the city of Tomsk, The Mirror reported.

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Mr Pizza got hitched to the classic takeaway item after he became fed up with being single, but didn’t want to commit to a traditional human on human relationship.

He said:

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At some point I realised that half of my friends were complaining about their better half, while the others were complaining about the lack of a better half.”

Love between two humans is a complicated wild thing. I was grateful that I had at least my love of food and then it came to me that actually love for food remains stable no matter what.

Before adding: “Pizza would not reject you or betray you, and speaking quite frankly and sincerely, I love it.”

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For some bizarre reason both the Russian authorities and the church refused to give him permission to marry a pizza, so he was forced to have his big day in a local pizzeria.

Staff at the restaurant even provided the man with a ‘marriage certificate’, and his pizza wife was covered in a fucking bridal veil.

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It hasn’t been confirmed whether he stuffed his bride’s crust on the wedding night.


Credits

The Mirror

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