Justin Bieber is a lot of things; child star, felon, sub-culture sponge, bit of a twerp.
One thing I am certain he is not, however, is a pro skater. Or a good skater. Or a skater at all, for that matter.
So for all you board junkies out there; sit back, relax and enjoy as the Sorry singer bails on a half pipe not once but twice, and captures the whole thing on film in true You’ve Been Framed style.
Usually, I wouldn’t condone getting your jollies from other people’s misery, but this time I can make an exception.
Let me explain.
Bieber shot to fame for churning out RnB tripe – the musical equivalent of a fucking Babyccino – and has since absorbed everything that is good and pure about subculture to validate his own lack of talent.
While it’s great for musicians to progress as artists, particularly when they get signed so young, listeners have every right to demand originality from this man who has earned multi-millions from chart hit after chart hit.
Unfortunately, the perpetually arrogant Bieber has contrived a new personality for himself inspired by a subculture that would rather disassociate themselves from the popstar and his army of tweeny Beliebers: Skaters.
Although the singer carries around a deck, we rarely see him riding it. Although he and his famous friends insist on wearing skate clothing brands, such as Thrasher, they seem to perpetuate the very things that culture typically despises.
The editor of Thrasher, Jake Phelps, put it well when he told Dazed:
We don’t send boxes [of clothing] to Justin Bieber or Rihanna or those fucking clowns.
The pavement is where the real shit is. Blood and scabs, does it get realer than that?
Any saturation of skateboarding into the mainstream is good, in a way, because it’s good for us. But at the same time, it’s corny as fuck.
Regardless of the merch and the clothes and the decks, when it comes to the actual skating, Bieber is either a poser or an awfully slow learner.
I’m not sure which is more embarrassing, but I’m going to keep this Vine on loop all the same.