Those of us who grew up in the 90s could probably be accurately considered to be the last pre-internet generation whose growth to maturity wasn’t characterised by cyber-bullying, copying trends on Instagram, and meeting your mates on Facebook. We did things like cycle bikes, steal from local newsagents, and buy CDs. If you were lucky to grow up in those heady days, you might remember a few of these….
Soap Bar Hash
No list of things that were big in the 90s can be complete without the inclusion of soap bar hash. Growing up in the 90s was a time when weed was a rare commodity, only glimpsed in Snoop Dogg songs and in stoner movies, while we made do with picking bits of plastic out of poor quality soap bar weed.
Arabs Were Thought Of As Characters From Aladdin, Not Stereotyped As Islamo-Terrorists
For those of us who grew up in the 90s, Arabs were characters from Disney films who flew magic carpets and not the backpack toting fundamentalists psychos that you 00s kids are more familiar with.
We All Existed In A State Of Pre-Lapsarian Bliss Before The War On Terror
Prior to 2001 we all thought that American presidents were just slightly jolly lads who got blowies on their desks, and terrorists were some disgruntled Irish lads who phoned the police to let them know they put a bomb in a car.
Football Was Still Magical
Because there was no 24-hour rolling coverage placing football under constant soul-deadening scrutiny it was actually a bit magic. Players actually had a bit of character and done interesting things like quoting philosophy after kicking a racist fan in the face.
The Crystal Maze
Before game shows revolved solely around celebrities judging bewildered people for singing poorly, or forcing celebs to mask their contempt for the public while they eat horse testicles so they can enjoy another brief stint of fame, there was actual imagination applied to the format. None more so than Channel 4‘s The Crystal Maze where a group of loveable nerds in coloured overalls followed a slightly camp bald man though a sort of dystopian playground to collect magic crystals which would ensure extra time to collect money in a big dome at the end. It pisses all over anything on telly now.
Loading Games From MS-DOS
Before Playstation and Xbox, before even Windows 95, a committed gamer would have to load games straight off the disk using MS-DOS. Titles such as Doom and Warcraft 2 will always be fondly remembered alongside the black screen.
Finding Porn Mags Stuffed In A Hedge
In the 90s you couldn’t kick a football into a bush without emerging with a porno magazine in one hand and your pubescent semi-hard cock in the other. Of course, the mysterious beings who left them there, overwanked pervy local tramps or hobbits, have died out with the rise of the internet meaning that anyone born after the 90s will never experience the strange sort of curiosity one feels when finding stuff someone else has publicly wanked over.
You Watched Shit Imported Telly Like Pugwall
As well as there being a lot fewer channels in the 90s, the TV was also a bit shite, although at the time you could be forgiven for thinking it was amazing. Sure, we had some great kids shows but we also had some absolute tripe, none more so than imported Aussie coming-of-age children’s drama Pugwall, about a group of annoying fucktards starting a band.
People Still Played Conkers
Back in the 90s the schoolyard game of choice wasn’t Candy Crush or stabbing, it was smashing your hardened horse chestnut off another kid’s horse chestnut to see which one was smashed to bits first. Now the only people who play conkers those kind of strange middle-aged men who persist with their childhood hobbies and sporadically appear on The One Show in an unintentionally tragic segment.
Instead Of Developing Childhood Obesity, You Played Outside
Kids from the 90s weren’t wheezy, sugar-addicted, beached-seals with Xbox controllers in their hands who are only able to shut their faces with the help of medication. Instead they used to do this mad thing called playing outside where they’d climb trees, build rope swings and mess around with fireworks. Kids don’t do that now because sitting in front of an Xbox all day eating Wotsits is arguably more fun than falling off a skateboard for several hours at a time.