Science Says Guys Have Periods Too (Kind Of)

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In every sex education seminar in every school in the Western world, teenagers are taught that throughout puberty, boys and girls experience profound hormonal changes that set them on the road to adulthood.

Boys get pubes and bad moustaches, and girls bleed out of a hole in their bodies and, according to bad jokes in sexist 70s sitcoms and in Dapper Laughs’s stupid mouth, turn into irrational banshees for about a week. But did you know that men undergo extensive hormonal changes too? Probably not, as it doesn’t much fit with the stiff-upper-lip, man’s world Max Power magazine idea of what a man should be.

If you subscribe to that conception of the world then a man should be something like a cross between The Terminator and James Bond, a muscle-bound yet charming, unfeeling man-robot who would never betray any emotion, even as he downs warm whiskey straight from the bottle while having a PTSD meltdown fully-clothed in the shower.

Science, however, reckons that the idea that men are emotionless automatons who aren’t dictated by their hormones is kinda bollocks. In short, men (kind of) have periods too!

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Men’s Testosterone Levels Fluctuate On An Hourly Basis

Here comes the science: Testosterone is the principal sex hormone for males and promotes things like sexual characteristics, such as muscles and bone mass.

But getting down to brass tacks – What’s the matter with you? Is it your time of the hour? Feel free to throw this at your mate or boyfriend next time he’s on his ‘meriod’ as it’s possible for testosterone levels to fluctuate wildly, even over the course of an hour, rendering the most steely-eyed man’s man a hormonal mess by scientific default. Anyone who has ever read Mario Balotelli’s Twitter can attest to this.

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Men Have Higher Testosterone Levels In The Morning Than At Night

If you’re feeling a bit fed up and tired in the evening, it might not be because work was a new kind of hell or Man United lost, it could be because your testosterone levels are taking a bit of a dip. Research says that men experience a daily testosterone cycle and that levels will reach their lowest in early evening, making you feel tired and irritable. That same research suggests, however, that the levels don’t drop significantly enough to prevent men from still getting a horn on and having energetic sex, thankfully. So you can try saying “my testosterone’s a bit low tonight love” if you’re trying to get out of having sex, but it probably won’t work.

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Like Women, Men Have A Monthly Hormonal Cycle Which Is Individual To Each Guy

And this cycle can be tracked, but unless you want to start keeping a mood diary which documents every time you felt a little sad while watching a weirdly moving advert for starving kids in Africa, then you probably won’t notice that your hormone levels fluctuate on a monthly cycle. My best guess is that any noticeable mood swings you do log will occur most Monday mornings after a heavy bout of testing your liver for three days.

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Testosterone Levels Experience Seasonal Peaks And Troughs, With November Being The Lowest, And April The Highest 

Did you know that your testosterone levels, like the rest of the natural world, seem to change with the seasons? Researchers found that coming into winter, around November, your stores of testosterone are at their lowest, probably from shagging your way through a season in Ibiza, and are at their highest with the coming of spring in April. Just in time for summer! So next time you think you have seasonal affected disorder it might actually just be your testosterone hibernating for winter.

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Between The Ages Of 40 To 55, Men Experience A Decline In Testosterone As They Go Through The Male Menopause – The Andropause

Next time your girl- or boyfriend starts drooling over grey-fox dreamboat, George Clooney, subconsciously imagining what it’d be like to explore some daddy issues with him, rest assured that being an old man in hormonal terms, he’s unlikely to be as much of a sexual titan as a guy in their twenties.

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Environmental Stimuli Can Alter Testosterone Levels

Not only are there natural cycles of testosterone occurring constantly, but testosterone levels are also affected by seemingly mundane environmental stimuli. Studies show that watching action movies, smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, and playing videogames are all triggers that cause spikes in testosterone levels, probably as some pre-evolutionary competitive streak comes into play and your body thinks it’s competing for a mate when in actual fact you’re just trying to beat your mate at PES. Which, if it did attract a sexual mate, would likely make all of us a lot more successful in that area.