Hate-filled rent-a-gob and shoe-lookalike, Katie Hopkins, is known the nation over as a beacon of right-wing tabloid cunt-aganda who pretends to have unnecessarily controversial opinions in exchange for money. She’s sort of like a lightning conductor, sat like a gargoyle on the roof of the Daily Mail’s offices screaming hysterical nonsense about fat people and ‘foreigns’ to unwitting pedestrians below. But there are other uses for her face, more humane ones, and here’s a few:
An Internationally Recognised Symbol Of Hate, Possibly Replacing The Swastika
Let’s face it, the swastika, like the English rugby team, or McDonald’s, is losing its credibility, after being carved into as many school desks as years passed since 1945. What better symbol of hate and bigotry than Hopkins’s trowel-shaped neck appendage? Slap it on a placard or armband for a marching EDL member to loudly trumpet how much of an ignorant cretin he or she is. Job done.
A Blowup Scarecrow For Use On Housing Estates, Or At A Calais Refugee Camp
Not really a scare-crow, more a scare-terrified-brown-people-out-of-coming-to-this-country-and-enriching-it-with-their-cultural-heritage-and-necessary-labour-crow. Simply blow up a picture of her face, stick it on a spike outside the Calais refugee camp and watch the refugees all immediately go back to being bombed/starved/bombed and starved. Another ‘victory’ for Hopkins and her heartless cunty chums.
A Rubber Dinghy To Transport Refugees Across The Mediterranean
This could actually save the lives of countless refugees forced to undertake perilous journeys to make it to the European mainland. So instead of comparing the desperate and dying to swarming cockroaches, we could utilise her massive, bloated face as a dinghy to transport scared children and their families across the choppy Mediterranean. With how skilled she is at keeping her head above water despite having any discernable talent, it’d probably never sink! Fan-fucking-tastic.
An Exercise Ball To Help Overweight Women Lose Weight
Instead of hatefully berating women for having trouble with their weight, maybe Miss Hopkins could chose not to be a woman-hating monster and lend her spongy yet firm face to be used as an exercise ball so that plump women everywhere have something to exercise with. Who knows, sitting on her mouth might even shut her up for a bit? Win-win.
Unless you’re a masochist who gets hard/wet when belittled by your sexual partner, then simply thinking about Katie Hopkins’s face screaming at poor people to ‘just get a fucking job’ is surely enough to put anyone off the thought of sex. Katie Hopkins’s face = no unwanted pregnancies. Excellent.
The New Face Of Top Gear
Just because Top Gear lost one expensively paid controversy-monger doesn’t mean that people can’t still tune in every Sunday night for the in-depth analysis of cars nobody can afford while a middle-aged white person makes crass jokes about ‘the foreigns’. “Watch next Sunday when our Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car will be fellow racist-for-hire Nigel Farage, while Katie tries to jokingly express anti-PC sentiments she doesn’t fully agree with in exchange for money. And on that bombshell, good night.”