With 2016 finally here, we here at UNILAD can’t help but wonder, and dare I say dream, about the fantastic and miraculous inventions we’d like to see in the next year.
So here we present five inventions we think everyone wants to see this year.
Scientists have been promising us the flying car since the 1950s and they’re still not here, I don’t want to accuse scientists of being lazy, but come on guys pull your fingers out. Also it doesn’t count if it’s just some cheap car with wings glued to the side, I want a proper flying car, like the one in The Jetsons. I dream that I’ll be able to jump in and have it take me right to work without having to deal with the dreaded train or bus.
Currently the chances of seeing a flying car next year look pretty poor, the closest we’ve come is the TF-X, which was unveiled earlier this year, it’s pretty cool looking and cruises at 200 mph and flies to a destination that the driver punches into its navigation system. Unfortunately it’s inventor thinks it’ll be a few years yet until they’re commercially available.
A car that drives me to work may not be out of the question in the near future though. Googles self-driving car has been knocking around for a while now and they’ve been found to be pretty safe on the roads. The cars have been involved in 14 minor traffic accidents on public roads but Google claims that in all cases the vehicle itself was not at fault because the cars were either being manually driven or the driver of another vehicle was at fault.
Alcohol was invented over 4,000 years ago, unfortunately after inventing it we were too busy drinking it to solve its biggest design flaw. That the day after drinking you feel awful and after all that time it feels like we’re still no closer to figuring out how to not feel like shit the day after a heavy session.
Of course people claim to have cracked it, I’ve heard ice cream, pints of water, Berocca the night before and hundreds of other solutions over the years but none are guaranteed to work. So isn’t it time that researchers around the world put their heads together and solved alcohol’s only design flaw?
In fairness some do claim that they’ve sorted controversial drugs expert Professor David Nutt, claims to have invented a pill called “chaperone” which effectively sobers you up. Unfortunately you can’t get it in Boots yet, but fingers crossed for 2016.
Chores are fucking awful and it would be brilliant if we had some kind of servant who was literally programmed to do all the shit jobs I don’t want to, like ironing and descaling the dishwasher. That’s why we need robot butlers, you could leave them at home all day leaving you time to just chill in the evening.
The problem is that current robots walk like they’ve shat themselves and I don’t think that fit’s the idea of a classy robot servant. Most likely we’ll never have proper robots instead gadgets will get better and better, taking the stress out of day to day life, much like the dishwasher replacing hand washing. You see the issue with building a proper robot servant is that it would cost an absolute fortune.
Another problem is that it’d have to have some sophisticated programming to make it able to do all the jobs we’d like it to , and then you have to start having discussions about robot rights. So you’d have to make sure to treat your robot servant well, in the event that there’s ever a robot uprising. I mean you don’t want to end up as its servant oiling its spare legs.
It feels like hoverboards are always jut around the corner doesn’t it. Especially they’ve now invented other things from Back to the Future, like power laces, so I’m hoping that hoverboards can’t be too far away. We actually do have a few working prototypes that use magnets or air to hover, the issue is that they don’t work on normal streets, or require liquid nitrogen to work which isn’t easy to find.
Unfortunately famous scientist Neil De Grasse Tyson has come out and said “although I can imagine hoverboards in certain hoverboard venues where they’ve actually done the physics right in the hoverboard and the ground surface as well,” Tyson continued, adding, “But otherwise, no.” So it may be time to give up on the idea of the hoverboard, no matter how sad that is to hear.
Also for the record swagger boards don’t count as hoverboards, if it’s got wheels it’s not hovering it’s rolling and we’ve had rolling boards for years. They’re called skateboards.
Okay, we may be reaching here, but bear with us. Just think how great having a time machine would be. Sent an inappropriate text? No problem. Accidentally emailed your boss that you think they’re a dick? Don’t worry. Forgot a birthday? Just go back and fix it. Time machines solve literally any problem.
Apparently scientists at the University of Birmingham are working on a real time machine, but it’s not quite as good as I imagined.
Dr Wilson of the University of Birmigham says:
It wouldn’t be walking into a box that took you places. Instead it might be some kind of portal, loops in time, where someone could travel and then come back to the same place.
Who knows though, it could be working next year and then all I’ll have to do is travel back to when I wrote this and change this paragraph. Brilliant.
The only issue I can see is that we’d have to put strict no drinking and time travel rule on time machines. It’d be pretty awkward to go on a night out and accidentally alter time space so your back with that old ex who you knows bad for you, but you always rewrite history when you’ve had a drink.