By now we’ve established that the Prequel trilogy are to Star Wars what Tesco’s own brand cheap plonk is to a Dom Pérignon, they kind of taste the same if you lie to yourself.
However rather than condemning ‘The Prequels’ to be forgotten, fans are still trying to these convince people that these dull tensionless films have merit.
The main way to do this is by pretending they have depth and George Lucas was some kind of genius (fuck you ring theory) or like this fan theory just make shit up.
The good people over at HitFlix have found that one way to make the prequels bearable is to pretend that Padme was cheating on Anakin with Obi-Wan.
While I’d normally dismiss this as pure fan fantasy rather than anything resembling a real theory I care so little about the prequels that I’m willing to go with it.
HitFlix’s theory skips The Phantom Menace and goes straight into Attack of the Clones arguing that when Padme arrives on Coruscant an ‘old friend’, Obi-Wan, is assigned to guard her.
While making the trip to Padme’s apartment Anakin excitedly admits that he hasn’t seen Padme in a decade, so Obi-Wan must be the old friend, as well as the young senator’s secret lover.
Of course she may just be referring to the fact Obi-Wan saved her life on Naboo but HitFlix think it hints at a deeper affection between the two.
As a massive nerdy nitpick, and trust me I love nerdy nitpicking, HitFlix claim that we don’t know what Obi-Wan and Anakin did in the decade before Attack of the Clones which is true, to an extent.
But in the comic series Obi-Wan and Anakin we do see some of what the two were up to and there’s not a whole lot of references to Obi’s burning passion for Padme, but whatever back to the theory.
Hitflix then associate Obi-Wan’s actions throughout the rest of the film as those of a gallant man who’s in love with Padme. A lot of their evidence boils down to Obi’s rather rash actions which are unbecoming of a cool collected Jedi master.
Personally I blame George Lucas’ awful script for Obi’s moronic behaviour but HitFlix have more evidence to back up the Obi-Padme love affair.
They think that Padme and Anakin rescuing Obi-Wan from Genosis is proof of the illicit affair, adding that she puts her hand on his thigh at one point, skipping over the bit where Ani and Padme kissed earlier.
Moving on to Revenge of the Sith they explain how Anakin slowly figuring out the affair is what really turned him to the dark side pointing out how his dialogue sounds like a jealous boyfriend.
They note Padme’s concern for Obi-Wan after Anakin murders the Jedi Order hypothesising that it’s out of love not concern for a friend who may have just been killed by her husband.
To finish they point out that Obi-Wan’s ‘feelings’ lead him to Padme and not Anakin in the film’s final act which would be a great point if Anakin wasn’t there to.
To be fair if you do imagine this is the real plot it does add some much needed tension to Episode III’s vapid final battle and makes Anakin’s turn more believable than ‘lol, I’m evul now’.
My own preferred way to watch the prequels is with the sound off and using the scene skip button, they fly by!