The day after the Super Bowl has become a day where hordes of people pull a sickie as they are too tired from staying up to watch a sport they never watch on any other occasion, but apparently ‘National Sickie Day’ was officially last week on February 1.
The art of convincing your boss you genuinely need the time off is not to be taken lightly. It needs to be convincing, but plausible, so when you rock up the next day there are few questions.
With that in mind, Bizdaq polled 500 small business owners in the UK to discover the best ‘reasons’ they were given by employees phoning in sick.
And some of them were absolutely ridiculous…
I Didn’t Want To Lose My Parking Spot
Apparently someone genuinely told their boss:
I can’t attend work as I had secured a parking space outside my house, and did not want to lose it.
My Flatmates Took The Handle Off My Door
A student told their employer:
My flatmates took my door handle off and I can’t get out.
Having lived in a student house there may be some truth in that one.
Mum Was Vacuuming The Stairs
Yep, according to Bizdaq someone actually told their boss they weren’t able to come in as their mother was cleaning.
The business owner reported the employee as saying:
My mum is vacuuming the stairs and I can’t get past.
I Fell Up The Stairs
I can’t come in because I fell up some stairs and broke my foot.
Either this person massively over-complicated the lie, or actually managed to defy gravity and fall upwards.
My Clothes Are Wet
One boss recalled:
One of our employees told me that they couldn’t come in because all their clothes were wet.
That is definitely a new one.
My Phone Died So My Alarm Didn’t Go Off
I forgot to charge my phone and it died overnight, so it didn’t wake me up in the morning.
Damn technology, damn it to heck!
The Power Has Gone Out
One boss was told:
I can’t come into work because the power’s gone out and I need to wait for it to come back on.
Send this message by carrier pigeon just to embed it within reality. Using technology just opens a can of worms.
I Drank Mouthwash
I can’t come in because I accidentally drank some mouthwash.
Drinking mouthwash can either get you very pissed, or cause some digestion issues, but apparently it is serious. Either way, it is likely to result in you being unable to work.
A Pipe Has Burst
According to one business owner an employee called him while stood next to a running shower and said:
I can’t come to work today because a pipe burst and I need to have it sorted.
Ah a good old home emergency – just make sure your boss doesn’t fancy themselves as a bit of a handyman.
I Have Conjunctivitis
Here is why you shouldn’t invest in an illness that won’t clear up after 24 hours.
One boss heard:
I can’t come to work because I have conjunctivitis.
They then allegedly followed this up by spraying deodorant in their eyes to convince their gaffer of the infection.
If only they applied that same commitment to their work.
Speaking to UNILAD, Sean Mallon, CEO of Bizdaq, said:
We work with a lot of small businesses, and we’ve heard some pretty funny stories coming from business owners about staff. With ‘National Pull a Sickie Day’ having been and gone we thought we’d find out what some of the weirdest excuses people had come up with for not coming into work.
We expected some weird responses, like peoples’ dogs being ill or forgetting it was their day to come in, but the one where the employee sprayed deodorant in her eyes to try and get out of work was pretty unexpected!
Credit to these guys for inventiveness, or apologies for bad luck, but why not just say you have the runs? No boss wants you in if you’re going to shit everywhere and that can actually end within 24 hours. Just sayin’…