It pains me to admit it, but not all Pokemon were created equal. For every awesome fire breathing dragon or cute electric mouse, Nintendo and Game Freak gave us some real ugly fuckers too.
And of course, there are a few gen one monsters on this list. It doesn’t matter what your nostalgia tells you, there was nothing cool about a giant pile of purple shit.
Gloom is what happens when you bring a plant to life and get it fucked on drugs and alcohol.
There’s nothing attractive about drool at the best of times, and yet Gloom has the fucking audacity to walk around with a constant stream of the stuff dribbling out of its gormless mouth. Disgusting.
Fuck Muk (heh, rhyme). What is it beyond a literal pile of slime? Nothing, that’s what.
In almost every image of Muk, it manages to look like a creature that’s dying and/or begging for somebody to put it out of its misery.
I don’t even know what Probopass is meant to be, and I’m not sure I want to know. Basically, if Nigel Thornberry had sex with an Easter Island statue and somehow gave birth, this is the abomination we’d get.
I know with Pokemon that a suspension of disbelief is in order, but I just can’t get on board with the fact that this rock has facial hair. It’s one too far for me.
I know Snubbel is kind of meant to resemble a bulldog, and despite the bad press bulldogs get, I think they’re pretty great – Snubbel is not.
If an unconventional looking beast wants to embrace its weird visage, I’m all for that – but the attempts to make Snubbel look “cute” fail miserably.
Like Muk, Weezing is a creature that looks like it just wants someone to come and end its suffering. The thing’s very existence looks to be causing it nothing but pain.
Okay, so the bigger portion of Weezing seems to be dealing with life just fine, but the smaller half? Look at it! It clearly wants to die, and that’s hard to see.
Here’s a pretty obvious one. I mean… it’s a rat.
Look at its teeth. Look at its eyes! The beast clearly wants to rip our throats out and leave rat poop in the wound. Raticate is an ugly bugger with an ugly soul.
Look. I’m not denying that Machamp is a great Pokemon, but it’s also a truly ugly fucker. Imagine if you were working out one day and you suddenly sprouted two extra arms? Surely death would be preferable to your freakish existence.
Also the entire face situation is very unsettling… like, are Machamp’s eyebrows made of rock? And if they are his eyebrows, what the hell is that middle bit?
Hypno is just a deeply unsettling looking creature. Maybe it’s because I have a bit of a thing against show biz magicians and “psychics” and Hypno seems to resemble that indefinably irritating quality.
Or maybe it’s just that massive nose paired with those freakishly tiny eyes.
What the hell is Dunsparce? Besides resembeling some kind of futuristic/alien dildo, what does it do? What does it want? Why is it here?
All I know is that if I saw something like Dunsparce slither up through my drain, it would have to die.
Fuck Sudowoodo. It’s a creepy ass wiggly tree thing with a creepy name and IT’S NOT EVEN A TREE.
What kind of rock decides to pretend to be a tree? What possible use does Sudowoodo have for this? It is not to be trusted, and we should all stay away from it.
Oh, and it’s name sounds like a brand of Viagra.
Pinsir might look sick at first glance, but take a look at it. Really look at that monstrous insect beast.
The horns, with spikes sticking out (overkill) along with a mouth that I’m pretty sure nothing but nightmares can spring from. Who could love a beast like Pinsir?
Remember Rhyhorn and Rhydon? They were the awesome rhino Pokemon from the original 151. In Pokemon Diamond & Pearl, they decided to give it a new evolution.
Obviously, it’s fucking hideous. Why would you take an already awesome looking monster then turn it into an over-designed Jim Henson reject? It breaks my heart to even look at it.
Let’s not beat around the bush: Wobuffet is a big blue sack of dicks. It constantly looks like it’s struggling to squeeze out an extra large turd (and that’s not a good thing, in case you weren’t sure).
And answer me this – why does it never open its eyes? I suspect its from the same hell dimension that Brock crawled out from.
Holy mother of God would you look at Wooper? There’s something genuinely fucking sinister about the way that thing just stands there with a vacant smile on its face.
And look at the eyes! There’s no love inside Wooper. Wooper is a hollowed out shell of a Pokemon. Avoid at all costs.
Jynx is an abomination. Bad hair, dead behind the eyes, excessive use of purple, and fucking clothes. WHO CLOTHED IT? Seriously? Just get it away from me.
You might think I’ve been too harsh on these poor creatures in this article, and perhaps I have. But consider this the following:
If you saw a Charizard or a Blastoise in real life, you’d probably think that was awesome, or scary in an awe inspiring kind of way. Likewise, running into Pikachu or Eevee would be an adorable experience, I’ve no doubt.
But if you saw any of the Pokemon on this list approach you in reality, I honestly believe you’d throw up in your mouth. Poor designs and unsettling features make for Pokemon that are destined to go unloved forever.