It’s that glorious time of year again. You know, when you eat and drink far too much to emulate this fat bastard (sorry Santa).
You can eat whatever the hell you want and who’s going to stop you? It’s all about celebrating and after all it’s Christmas, innit?
Sadly, despite your brain going into absolute overdrive and saying consume pretty much anything in your sight, your body did not, I repeat, did not get the memo. Unsurprisingly those calories eventually mount up.
Trust me, I’m not here to lecture you. I’d be the first one to be stacking my plate high with whatever the fuck I can get my hands on and I’d almost certainly bite someones hand off for that last roast potato.
But after reading some pretty horrific statistics about how much you are eating, it might put you off your usual haul of seven mince pies and a tin of chocolates, oh and some cheese. Because, why not?
A survey two years back revealed us Brits are likely to gain 6lbs in the eight days between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day, after demolishing twice the recommended calorie intake.
But this is only the tip of the iceberg. Reports vary on how much people eat on Christmas Day, but even the lowest estimation of 6,000 is pretty grim. And the worst culprits eat over 8,000 calories – that’s 16 Big Macs to you and me. Fuck that for an absolute laugh.
It’s apparently down to in part to the increased booze drinking (surprise, surprise) and the real pitfall is eating lots of sweets and chocolates between meals.
According to research we reach our recommended calorie intake by just after 2pm. Nice work! That’s even before you’ve sat down for that traditional Christmas lunch.
A full Christmas lunch with trimmings works out at, at just shy of 1,450 (despite the very healthy turkey) and once you add pudding with custard and brandy butter (if you’re a bit old school), that’ll add another 1,174 on top.
What makes it even worse is that we are completely oblivious and we think we eat half as much as we actually do, thinking they eat a standard 2,600 calories, but it’s more like 6,000.
Feeling a bit queasy reading this? Well, don’t. Because if you haven’t had the turkey sweats you obviously haven’t done Christmas right and indulged anywhere near the amount you should have. For shame!
If you want me, I’ll be burying my face into all of the foods…