15 Porn Parodies That The World Never Needed

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MV SpongeknobSquarenuts 600x300 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededWoodrocket

From Shaving Ryan’s Privates to Snow White and the Seven Perverts, porn parody titles are more of an art than a science.

And while porn parodies have always been relatively popular – the first released was Bat Pussy in 1973 – they’ve had something of a resurgence in recent years, with a number of popular blockbusters getting the XXX treatment.

So, we’ve scoured the web and to find some of the funniest, weirdest and disturbing porn parodies around.

Seriously, we’re not sure any of these ever needed to be a thing.

Be warned, here there be dragons…

Womb Raider

WombRaider 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never Needed Cyber-Scan Films

Womb Raider earns a place on this list for two reasons.

Firstly, its a hilarious title for a parody.

Secondly, the idea of a ‘womb raider’ implies such an astounding lack of knowledge of the female anatomy that I’m not quite sure how the writers managed to get the job.

Even better, and it’s quite clever what the writers have done here, they’ve flipped the ‘Lara Croft’ thing on its head and called her ‘Cara Loft’! Genius. I bet the writers took the rest of the day off after they came up with that gem.

Here’s a tip – if your title sounds like something Rocky Flintstone would write, it’s probably best to give it a miss.

Honey I Blew Everybody

HoneyIBlew 500x710 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededMidnight Video

What’s worse – being told by your mad scientist husband that he’s shrunk your kids and lost them, or your wife telling you that she’s blown everybody?

While this is a great title for a porn parody, and we’re sure that it delivers on its titular promise, the apparent lack of a shrink ray in the film is just disappointing.

The Human Sexipede

the human sexipede films photo 1 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededTom Byron Pictures

What’s more terrifying than having your mouth sewn to another person’s anus by a mad German doctor? Well, how about having your mouth sewn to a vagina?

Yeah, even the gross out horror that is the Human Centipede isn’t above conversion into a porn parody, apparently.

Check out the weird and semi-NSFW trailer here…

Unlike The Human Centipede, which has a pretty bleak ending, Sexipede has a happy ending with the girls being able to continually pleasure each other, and they apparently finally achieve sexual satisfaction… or at least that’s what Wikipedia says.

Simpsons: The XXX Parody

Dear fucking God, is there nothing from my childhood that these people won’t turn into smut?

Reportedly one of the worst porn parodies ever made, which is really saying something considering what’s coming later on this list, Simpsons XXX looks absolutely horrifying.

As best as I can tell from the trailer, we get to see all our favourite Springfieldians getting down and dirty in ways that no right minded person has ever wanted to see.

960 1 640x426 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededPure sex... Full Spread Entertainment

Personally, the idea of watching yellow people fuck makes me feel more than a bit queasy, but I’m sure there’s some odd jaundice fetish out there, so who knows, maybe some people are into this?

Entourage: A XXX Parody

splash2 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededNew Sensations

Entourage probably has the dubious honour of being the only parody on this list where the porn version is more coherent than the original film.

It’s really not surprising that a show based on the vapid life of some loser celebrity would make ultra porn fodder – and, low and behold, it does.

Seriously though, how bad was Entourage The Movie? Who in their right mind would like that?

entouage 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededDefinitely not UNILAD Film

Oh…

E.T. The Porn Parody

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I’m presuming that, like most sane and rational people, when you first saw E.T. you didn’t think about shagging the friendly alien, but it seems that some depraved souls did.

Made in Germany, E.T. The Porn Parody apparently follows the same story as the film, with a healthy dose of sex thrown in – you know, just like Spielberg intended, probably.

What makes this particular parody so horrifying, however, isn’t that it ruins another children’s classic, but rather the utterly terrifying E.T. costume that some poor underpaid pornstar was forced to wear.

I mean, just look at it. It looks so sad, it adds an unintended level of tragedy to the film…

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If anyone looks at that and thinks ‘I would’ then I’ve lost all hope for humanity.

The only thing that should go through your head upon seeing sexy E.T is ‘kill it with fire’.

And, as fucking horrifying as that suit is, it’s not even as bad as the latest remake…

ET XXX Dreamzone parody 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never Needed

Jesus Christ…

Bi-tanic

BiTanic 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededPleasure Productions

You don’t see much bisexual porn, so it’s nice to see the marginalised genre get its own film.

And, even better, they smashed the title like the iceberg smashed the ship.

Admittedly the film’s not exactly historically accurate – there’s a lot more 69ing and mutual masturbation going on than I think would have happened in the early 20th Century – but the ship does sink in the end.

So it’s got that going for it…

The Humper Games

Which porn producer was sitting through The Hunger Games – which need I remind you is a film about kids killing each other – and thinks: “This is good, but it definitely needs more sex!”

To be fair to the Humper Games, there’s not that much killing in the film, apparently – just hardcore sex and slapstick gags. You know, the usual parody stuff.

Also the film actually addresses that it’s a rip off of Battle Royale, which is more than the original did.

The Da Vinci Load 2: Angels and Semen

TheDaVinci 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededHustler

Okay, so they’ve absolutely aced the title on this one – doubling down on the sexy puns in an unprecedented way.

It’s just a shame that they seem to have used up all their creativity on the title, as the actual film doesn’t commit to the full parody.

Still, it’s probably another porno that’s better than the original…

Titty Titty Gang Bang

TittyTitty 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededRoy Alexander

As you can probably tell from the poster, this film has about as much to do with Ian Fleming’s beloved classic as the Da Vinci Load 2 has to do with Robert Langdon cracking ancient puzzles.

Which is probably for the best. Strangely sentient cars don’t make for the sexiest porn characters, and thank Christ they didn’t include the Child Catcher…

Pulp Friction

PulpF 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededAdam and Eve Productions

Take what’s arguably Quentin Tarantino’s greatest film, scoop out the violence, and add in a shit-ton of sex instead- and, voilà, you’ve got Pulp Friction.

Plus, the poster is spot on. Credit where credit’s due!

A Clockwork Orgy

ClockworkO 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededPleasure Productions

A Clockwork Orgy – for those who finished watching Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange and thought: “All that ultra-violence and sex was good, but I wish they’d gone a bit harder.”

The worst thing about this one is that it’s apparently quite good, with a few jokes thrown in, and it even does a passable job of telling the story. But, you know, with more fucking…

Edward Penishands

Edward Penishands 15 Porn Parodies That The World Never NeededVideo Team

This is just horrifying, but not for the reasons you probably think.

You see, when I imagine Edward Penishands (never thought I’d write that), I imagine his fingers as dicks, just like Ed’s famous scissors for hands.

But no – this deformed and monstrous porn version of Edward has two colossal penises for hands, which make him look like he’s got giant meat clubs on the ends of his arms.

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This raises a terrifying number of questions. Did his Vincent Price equivalent choose to give him these terrible hands? If so, what the fuck was he thinking?

Even worse, if Ed’s unfortunate enough to get an erection, do his arms burst out of his shirt as he performs some kind of bizarre phallic salute?

And how does he actually have sex with people? Does it count as normal sex or fisting? So many questions!

Strokémon

If you grew up in the nineties, then you know that Pokémon was the shit.

What you probably didn’t expect was that, nearly a decade later, greedy adult movie producers would take that glorious piece of nostalgia and transform it into one of the freakiest and disturbing porn parodies ever.

Introducing Strokémon, the Pokemon parody nobody ever asked for, because seriously who needed to see Ash (‘Gash’) and Misty (‘Fisty’) shag Pikachu – or as this creature’s called ‘Dickachu’?

Schindler’s Lust

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I’m pretty confident that the existence of a Schindler’s List porn parody proves that humanity deserves to go extinct.

Thankfully, this is another one of those parodies that thought of a title and then entirely jettisoned the actual story, because stories about genocide have never been a massive turn on.

What makes Schindler’s Lust so disturbing though is that they were apparently planning on making the real Holocaust porno, but God presumably intervened because they ran out of money pretty quickly during production and we only got a short ten minute clip.

The clip in question reportedly shows ape monsters having sex with women, inter-spliced with clips of Nazi Germany.

Yeah. Let’s leave it there…

 


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