Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex Injuries

By : Ben HaywardTwitterLogo

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pie1 Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex Injuries

You can only imagine some of the truly bizarre stuff that doctors see on a day-to-day basis – especially the more NSFW related mishaps.

A number of medical professionals have taken to Reddit (anonymously of course) to share some of the best (or worst, depending how you look at it) excuses patients have given them for their ‘sexual mishaps’, reports the indy100.

These are some of the best ones, enjoy!

A guy showed up with a carrot lodged in his rectum…

carrot1 Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex InjuriesPixabay

His inspired suggestion was that it may have been because he ate carrot soup two days before. I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works…

A teenager turned up complaining he couldn’t urinate…

headphones Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex InjuriesFlickr

In the words of the doctor themselves:

Teenager comes in complaining that he can’t pee. I take him to an examination room and ask him to drop his pants, and to my utter surprise i see 2 iphone ear buds sticking out of his penis!

His story was that he was sleeping naked while listening to music and his ear buds must have fallen out, and while he was tossing and turning, they naturally worked their way into his penis.

One woman came to the emergency room with a sex toy in her rectum with a tail attached…

catwoman Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex Injuries

She said she’d been ‘dressing up for a kid’s birthday party and her costume got stuck’. I feel like my memories of kid’s parties must be missing something…

A man arrived at hospital with a plastic Easter egg lodged in his rectum…

chicken Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex InjuriesWikipedia

He reportedly told staff: “I wanted to know what it’s like to be a chicken.” Fair enough then.

A man turned up with a pair of scissors stuck on his penis…

scissors Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex InjuriesWikipedia

He said he fell asleep while doing arts and crafts…

Man turns up with a vacuum hose stuck on his penis…

hetty Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex InjuriesFlickr

Again, best we leave this in their own words:

He arrived wearing a sweater, shoes and a blanket and insisted that he had been instructed to clean his house while nude because of his dust allergy.

While vacuuming, the man had become (his words), ‘inexplicably fatigued’ and took an impromptu nap with the hoover still running. At this time, his penis must have flopped into the vacuum hose. His arousal was, he insisted, involuntary.

The hose was finally cut off with a surgical rotary saw.

Guy walks in with an aluminium vacuum cleaner nozzle in his rectum…

car Doctors Reveal Most Amazing Excuses Patients Give For Sex Injuries

His brilliant excuse was that he changing a light bulb – okay, naked – believable I suppose. Until they removed the offending item and found the end was conveniently covered with a couple of tube socks and a latex condom.

Well that’s how I store my vacuum cleaner.

Let’s face it, we all know what they were up to, may as well just come clean in the first place…


Credits

indy100

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