Doctors Reveal What Really Goes On In Hospitals And It’s Shockingly NSFW

By : Joseph LoftusTwitterLogo

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face doc Doctors Reveal What Really Goes On In Hospitals And Its Shockingly NSFWABC

Have you ever wondered the sort of things that doctors, nurses, and pretty much anyone in the medical profession, have laid their unfortunate eyes on?

I have. Recently actually. On Friday morning I woke with an incredible pain in my left ear lobe. By Monday that same earlobe was about three times its normal size and I had absolutely no idea why.

I booked an appointment at my local doctors and sat in the waiting room surrounded by people coughing their infectious coughs perpetually.

By the time I got called into see my doctor and pushed open her door, she took one look at my throbbing ear lobe and with open mouth yelled: ‘Oh my god, what happened to your ear?!’.

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Thanks doc, as if getting the train to work everyday with people silently staring at me like The Elephant Man wasn’t bad enough.

Anyhow, it got me thinking – here’s this doctor, who spends her days probably doing some pretty vile things amongst other stuff. Handing out prostate exams like an ice cream man hands out 99’s. Rummaging through testes for lumps and bumps. Even at the best of times you’re dealing with someone who’s got an intense batch of flu and gazing into their gullet as they exhale.

But what are the worst things they’ve ever, and I mean, ever, laid eyes upon.

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Fortunately I found an old Reddit thread which gave me everything I needed Рwhile also making me feel better about my pus filled throbbing ear lobe.

Here’s some of our favourites.

Number One – The Burnt Blowjob:

Woman giving her husband a blowjob. Except that she was the patient in the burn unit, admitted after a flash fire from pouring lighter fluid on her barbecue. All the hair on her face was singed off, her face was super swollen and red, and we had caked on antibiotic ointment all over her face to treat her burns. Talk about sloppy head.

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Numero Two – The Violent Blowjob

Worked Labor and Delivery one night. This younger (about 16-17) girl was in labor and had pregnancy induced hypertension. She was in the room with her boyfriend when we heard him scream. We ran in there to find her giving him a blow job, which isn’t all that unusual in hospitals. But see here’s the thing, if blood pressure gets high enough, people will have seizures. And when people have seizures, they tend to bite down very hard. We had to basically pry this girls mouth away from his penis.

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Number Three – The Horny Old People

You would be very surprised at how much old person fucking is going on. Most of the time it’s when a man is in the hospital and his wife comes to visit him.

They just climb right into those beds and get freaky. God bless the horny geriatric bastards.

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Number Four – The Easter Egg Hunt (my personal favourite… if favourite is the right word?)

I was about to perform a colonoscopy and the patient was shoving M&Ms in his rectum, said he wanted to give me an Easter egg hunt.

Edit: they were the larger peanut M&Ms, at least a small bags worth. The nurses wouldn’t eat them.

Edit: Nurses had a peanut allergy.

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Number Five – The Wank Prank

Not a doctor or nurse but I am a police officer, we were going to calls at a hospital for a dispute, waking through the halls of the hospital I heard someone yell “officer help help” I walked into the room that the yelling came from and there was a little bald fat man masturbating violently and just looking deeply into my eyes snickering. He tricked me.

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Number Six – Food Fight

First internship in a geriatric ward. Me and a fellow student walk into a patient’s room, who is screaming like crazy. He was known for having serious dementia. We open the door and my student-colleague gets a warm handfull of shit thrown right in his face.

Needless to say I was quite surprised, but happy I missed the brown rocket.

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Number Seven – Catheter Wank

Walked in on a patient’s wife giving him a hand job while he had a catheter in. he looks at me and says ‘son you never waste a hard on’.

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Number Eight РThe Exhibitionist 

Had a guy in his late teens/early 20’s constantly masturbating. Everyone walked in on it. It was on a floor where the patients were separated by curtains too. Looking back, I think he was an exhibitionist and he was making us all subjects to his masturbatory fodder, so that was fun.

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And finally, Number Nine – The Jovial Kidnapper

At a retirement home for elderly folks with severe dementia. There’s this one guy that is always silent, but cheery. Always smiling, waves when you acknowledge him. One day, out of the blue, he stops me in the hall and raises his finger toward a room with the sternest scowl I have ever seen. He says, in the deepest most-movie-trailer-narrator voice I have ever heard in person, “THIS.. This is the room.” Upon entering “the room” I found that he was directing all of the wandering residents into this room and had like 4 people crammed into this little studio unit.

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So there you have it folks. If you think you’ve had a bad day, just be glad you’re not one of these guys.


Credits

Reddit

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