People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories

By : Neelam TailorTwitterLogo

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13993UNILAD imageoptim Mast web People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesFlickr

We all know that Reddit threads can be fucking dark. Especially when they’re called ‘what’s your most fucked up masturbation story?‘.

Naturally the thread is overwhelmed with cringey moments of parents bursting in on private time, or nasty stories of when people wanked to their parents having sex.

But I was still not prepared for some of the dark but absolutely hilarious stories that came out.

My particular favourite was this poor guy who was having an innocent tug, when his dad came in and announced that his grandad had died…

53776UNILAD imageoptim Mast grandad People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

That’s a turn off if I’ve ever heard one.

I get that puberty can be the peak of horniness, but some people literally could not wait to get their hands on themselves.

There were so many stories of disturbingly public wanks.

This girl reached orgasm in the lounge with her whole family…whilst watching Pop Idol!

24437UNILAD imageoptim Mast family People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

No joke, this guy did it in his classroom at school…

59392UNILAD imageoptim Mast school People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

A lifeguard…in the lifeguard’s chair?!

40860UNILAD imageoptim Mast lifeguard People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

And then there were the people who used creative contraptions to get themselves off…

It’s weird enough using a honeydew melon (I wonder why that particular variety), but what happens next…

289UNILAD imageoptim Mast melon People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

This is a fucking wanking saga. It’s a coming of age tale, and you’ll feel more sorry for a pillowcase than you ever have felt before.

839UNILAD imageoptim Mast pillowcase People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

And just so you can really visualise it, here’s the case:

23158UNILAD imageoptim il 570xN.914030552 cnav People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories

This just sounds painful…

24492UNILAD imageoptim Mast shampoo bottle People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

I’m just hearing noises that I don’t want to hear after reading this one…

25593UNILAD imageoptim Mast spaghetti People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

Then there are the home-wrecking wanks…

8185UNILAD imageoptim Mast sister in law People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation StoriesReddit

How do you really come back from that?

Yes Reddit, you’ve done it again – I will never look at melon the same way.


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Reddit

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