People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories

By : Neelam TailorTwitterLogo

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We all know that Reddit threads can be fucking dark. Especially when they’re called ‘what’s your most fucked up masturbation story?‘.

Naturally the thread is overwhelmed with cringey moments of parents bursting in on private time, or nasty stories of when people wanked to their parents having sex.

But I was still not prepared for some of the dark but absolutely hilarious stories that came out.

My particular favourite was this poor guy who was having an innocent tug, when his dad came in and announced that his grandad had died…

People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories 53776UNILAD imageoptim Mast grandadReddit

That’s a turn off if I’ve ever heard one.

I get that puberty can be the peak of horniness, but some people literally could not wait to get their hands on themselves.

There were so many stories of disturbingly public wanks.

This girl reached orgasm in the lounge with her whole family…whilst watching Pop Idol!

People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories 24437UNILAD imageoptim Mast familyReddit

No joke, this guy did it in his classroom at school…

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A lifeguard…in the lifeguard’s chair?!

People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories 40860UNILAD imageoptim Mast lifeguardReddit

And then there were the people who used creative contraptions to get themselves off…

It’s weird enough using a honeydew melon (I wonder why that particular variety), but what happens next…

People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories 289UNILAD imageoptim Mast melonReddit

This is a fucking wanking saga. It’s a coming of age tale, and you’ll feel more sorry for a pillowcase than you ever have felt before.

People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories 839UNILAD imageoptim Mast pillowcaseReddit

And just so you can really visualise it, here’s the case:

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This just sounds painful…

People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories 24492UNILAD imageoptim Mast shampoo bottleReddit

I’m just hearing noises that I don’t want to hear after reading this one…

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Then there are the home-wrecking wanks…

People Share Their Worst Ever Masturbation Stories 8185UNILAD imageoptim Mast sister in lawReddit

How do you really come back from that?

Yes Reddit, you’ve done it again – I will never look at melon the same way.