2016 has been quite the political roller coaster for Britain.
David Cameron followed the 2015 revelation of alleged pig head fellatio by being named in the Panama Papers leak, and then he resigned after leading a pitiful -and failed – Remain campaign for the EU referendum.
That has left the door of Number Ten wide open for another Tory politician to become Prime Minister, and that person is Theresa May – but who is she, and what can citizens expect from her premiership?
She Is Not An Adult Film Star
Despite massive confusion on Twitter, the woman who will try and steer the nation away from the car crash that is modern British politics is not an active or former adult film star.
That is Teresa May – and she’d kindly like everyone to stop damaging her reputation by suggesting that she is a frontbench Tory.
Now onto Theresa May…
May, or Brazier as she was before marriage, was born on October 1, 1956 in Sussex, but spent most of her childhood living in Oxfordshire.
May’s father was a vicar of the Church of England but, as reported by the BBC, he died when she was just 25 after sustaining severe injuries in a car crash.
The now 59-year-old was educated at a state primary school before moving on to an independent convent school, and then to a grammar school in the village of Wheatley – which became a comprehensive during her study.
She completed her education at St Hugh’s College, Oxford – which was an all-female college until 1986 – gaining a degree in geography.
So May could potentially be more grounded than her Etonian predecessor in No 10…
Longest Serving Home Secretary Of The Past Century
May entered parliament as MP for Maidenhead for the first time in 1997, and became Home Secretary in 2010.
Having held the position for six years ahead of her sudden promotion to PM, May is actually the longest serving Home Secretary in 100 years.
She Bloody Loves A Good Shoe
Okay ‘good’ depends on your fashion taste, but Mrs May is no stranger to taking fashion risks and has apparently acquired a reputation for her loud footwear.
The BBC also report that a lifetime subscription to Vogue would be her luxury item of choice if stranded on a desert island – which is cheating if you ask me, you’re only allowed one item.
So even if she does fuck the country up further, at least she’ll do it in the latest fashion.
The Leadership Campaign That Never Was
Boris Johnson exited the race to become Conservative leader before it even started, Liam Fox was swiftly eliminated, quickly followed by the allegedly homophobic Stephen Crabb.
Michael Gove was hilariously destroyed in the second ballot, and Andrea Leadsom withdrew from the head-to-head battle with little under a month of the contest remaining.
So with the political efficiency of Cersei Lannister, May has learned the ropes of politics before comprehensively brushing her opponents aside and taking power well ahead of the September 9 election result schedule.
Britain’s Second Female PM
As a young girl, Theresa aspired to be the first female Prime Minister, but sadly she was pipped to the post by Margaret Thatcher.
And just like the ‘Milk Snatcher’, May finds herself in charge at a time where she will likely have to sign off on policies of austerity.
Get thinking of witty nicknames now then…
‘Brexit Means Brexit’
Sorry remainers, if you were hoping for someone to pause and rethink the massive implications of triggering Article 50 of the EU Lisbon Treaty then think again.
As reported by The Independent, May said on the issue:
Because Brexit means Brexit, and we’re going to make a success of it…Second, we need to unite our party and our country…And third, we need a bold new positive vision for the future of our country – a vision of a country that works not for the privileged few, but for every one of us.
A Tory leader likely to be responsible for years of financial woe for the working class – who’d have thought it?
Well, given May was at the top of the chain responsible for the lovely ‘Go Home’ vans her stance is pretty clear.
As reported by The Guardian, May hasn’t exactly made life easy for migrants to make their way to Britain – skilled or otherwise.
One of the policies she introduced was to ban British citizens from bringing their non-EU partners, or children to the country unless they earned more than £18,600 per year. It also didn’t matter what their spouse’s profession or expected income was either.
So we’ll scratch ‘fair’ off her list of qualities now then, what with the brutal separation of families that could have added something to the nation’s economy.
No hiding from this, her record on LGBT rights is atrocious.
May has opposed or missed more than a handful of important votes including same-sex adoption, bringing the age of consent for homosexual sex down to 16, and allowing same-sex couples to utilise IVF treatment.
As reported by Pink News, May did take some steps out of the dark ages in 2010 when she said:
I have changed my view. If those votes were taken today, I would take a different vote.
On gay adoption I have changed my mind…because I have been persuaded that when you are looking at the future for a child, I think it’s better for a child who is perhaps in an institutional environment, if they have an opportunity of being in a stable, family environment – be that a heterosexual couple or a gay couple.
How genuinely she believes that will always be open for debate, but at least May recognises the electorate is evolving and the majority won’t tolerate such prejudice.
Words of wisdom from Nelson Mandela there. Sadly, Theresa sees things differently.
Regardless of the EU referendum result, May seemingly wants Britain out of the European convention on human rights.
As reported by The Guardian she said:
The ECHR can bind the hands of parliament, adds nothing to our prosperity, makes us less secure by preventing the deportation of dangerous foreign nationals, and does nothing to change the attitudes of governments like Russia’s when it comes to human rights.
At her leadership launch she did backtrack and suggest continuing to follow the convention.
Let’s not forget her desire to push through the Snooper’s Charter as fast as possible either – which would see police and the government gain unprecedented access to electronic communications of the nation – she was forced to agree a number of privacy concessions.
So a candidate who has ‘united’ the Tory party to become PM without having to do so as a result of a general election, from a middle class background, with a history of opposing equality and privacy for many people – regardless of their gender, race, religion, economic status, and sexuality – and with years of austerity still looking likely.