A sad little serial adulterer has posted a devious guide to cheating without getting caught on Reddit.
If you’re here because you’re thinking of implementing the tips… please fuck off. It’s hard to understand why this guy remains in his relationship when it takes him this much effort to cheat.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just end your relationship and then have another one?
First things first, he goes by midget_porn_aint_bad (need I say more), and advises the world ‘It only takes one slip up’, the Daily Mail reports.
The first of his underhand suggestions is to chew gum and smell fresh, but not too fresh.
You should keep gum in your car at all times. Shower after, but don’t lay on the soap so much that you actually smell GOOD. What guy smells like soap, except for about an hour after showering?
The next deceitful pointer was to always have your story straight. You want to know exactly what you’re going to say when your innocent partner calls and you’ve got your mouth full, right?
He urges cheaters to have a simple and plausible story for where they are and what they are doing at those times.
Cash is also key when paying for hotels, food and anything else you might need for your unfaithful endeavour.
Probably his most important tip is securing your phone.
He said you must ensure your phone is encrypted, safe, and away from your partner.
The unscrupulous liar said:
Number one way to get caught. Your phone, they’re gold mines to snooping spouses. Get a password on your phone. Make sure it’s encrypted.
Establish a routine where you don’t just leave it laying around for people to look at. Don’t get wasted, pass out, and leave it open for anyone to see.
If you suspect there is or will be snooping going on with your phone, throw it in the toilet and say it was an accident. Dead phone, get a new one. Yeah, a good phone is expensive, but not as expensive as a lawyer, divorce settlement, etc.
Next on the agenda is to not dip your nib in the company ink.
Apparently choosing someone at work for your affair or anyone you might know is a mistake because there is a direct line to your partner.
The tips on finding the perfect ‘affair partner’, or AP in the adulterous world go on, including choosing someone who wouldn’t talk about you to their friends.
Lot’s of people on the forum have thanked him for his advice, but it can only take them so far, as he admitted that once a private investigator is involved ‘you are done’.
If you know you’re going to get caught he just says: “No use crying over spilled milk now. Prepare yourself. You played the game, you lost.”
He signs off by calling himself the ‘Mr Miyagi of adultery’.
Don’t ever be like this guy.
The ultimate guide to ADULTERY: Self-confessed serial cheater gives his tips on how to have an affair and NOT get caught Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3936464/Adulterer-writes-comprehensive-guide-cheat-NOT-caught.html#ixzz4Q4WL3rr5 Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook