Guy Gets Girlfriend To Wake Him Up With Blowjob, It Goes Horribly Wrong

By : Jamie RobertsTwitterLogo

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An alarm clock is a traditional tool in the battle to wake up in the morning.

Although there are other, more elaborate tools out there – Wallace and Gromit know all about this, of course. And if you really wanted to get traditional, a cockerel would be the number one choice.

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But if you are to use a cock to wake you up, make sure it’s a male chicken, rather than your dick.

Because as this Reddit user says in a thread titled: ‘TIFU by telling my girlfriend that she should start waking me up with a blowjob‘, waking up to a blowjob isn’t always as good as it might seem.

He began:

I’ve been working odd hours to meet deadlines recently plus promoting a few parties for some side scratch, basically my sleep schedule has been completely fucked for the past couple months. Naturally my girlfriend, who sleeps like a normal human being for the most part, started getting a little bummed out recently on account that we are living on two different schedules.

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Fair enough…

So, about 3 weeks ago she started trying to wake me up when she felt my 6 hour quota had been met to give us a few hours of quality time together before she went to bed. Very fair, but I’m also very deep sleeper, so she was very frustrated that she only got me out of bed a handful of times with the majority of those consisting of me roaming around the apartment like a husk with only one eye open for the first hour of consciousness. We had a talk about it, and I assured her that this wouldn’t be forever, and I joked that if she really wanted to get me up maybe she should blow me into awareness. We laughed, made up, and the week pushed on.

Seems like a win win, what could possibly go wrong?

Fast forward to Thursday night, I’m in the strong embrace of an epic sleep, adventuring through the alternate reality that is my dreamscape when I feel this beautiful, warming sensation emanating from my loins, embracing my whole body, and I was so content, so happy, so relaxed until it was all shattered by a high pitched scream. A mixture of anger, complete horror, and utter disbelief which manifested itself into the words “WHAT THE FUCK!” Simultaneously, of a sudden my face is now being splashed with some luke warm mystery liquid, and a slightly warmer liquid is gently raining down everywhere. I snap awake and realize…

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I just pissed in my girlfriends mouth, she spit that mouthful of piss in my face, and I’m now continuing to rain down a morning, or in this case evening wood sprinkle system-esque cascade of piss. Fuck.

Ah right, that’s what could possibly go wrong. ‘Fuck’ indeed.

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So remember this the next time you decide to get your girlfriend to wake you up with a blowjob – the morning flow takes no prisoners.


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Reddit

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