Picture the scene – you’ve been going out for a couple of weeks, you take her back to your flat, you know what’s going to happen, she knows what’s going to happen – but you’ve got a micropenis.
Now, fortunately for the majority of us, micropenises are incredibly uncommon, occurring in only 0.6 per cent of males.
And just in case you’re wondering, the exact specification used to define a micropenis is that the beef whistle is less than 2.75 inches in length when erect, as opposed to the 5 inch average sergeant stiffy.
But if you are one of the 0.6 per cent, then never fear, because as the old saying goes: ‘it’s the way you use it’.
According to Men’s Health, who spoke to a guy, definitely called Jim, who was a beholder of the one inch warrior, he told them that it’s not the end of the world and delivered a number of handy tips for our short penised brothers in arms.
So here’s everything you need to know if you’ve got a micropenis…
As you can probably imagine, Jim said that it is absolutely vital to experiment with what positions work for her, but insists you should also be aware that the first couple of inches inside a woman’s vagina is the most sensitive part.
He said: ‘I’m hitting a sweet spot just by being me’. Fair play.
Jim is also a big advocate of learning more about how to pleasure a woman. He says you should learn more about the female anatomy and even consider memorising her sensitive zones, but argues not to just use your oral skills.
When you can’t rely on what God gave you to hit the spot, you are morally and ethically obligated to hit the spot by any means necessary.
As a micropenised, you have to be willing to be anything goes sexually. Leave your hang ups at the door.
Again, with reference to the old saying ‘size doesn’t matter’, Jim claims that just because a guy has a massive schlong it doesn’t necessarily mean that he knows what to do with it – so argues that if you are one of the 0.6 per cent, you should take pride in what God gave you and be confident.
If you read up on the female anatomy and teach yourself a few different tactics for pleasure, then you have absolutely no reason not to be confident.
Just by being confident in yourself, your sex appeal will naturally go through the roof.
Don’t be phased by the size queens
But finally, Jim gets honest and says that obviously not every woman in the world is going to be fully satisfied with your micropenis.
According to Jim:
There are some size queens out there, and we’re never going to be sexually compatible. That may have as much to do with my tiny penis as it does for her cavernous vijayjay.
Just because she needs an 800-pound elephant cock to please that walk-in closet of a vagina doesn’t mean you’re lacking in some way.
Yep. And we’ll leave it at that.
So yeah, I’m kind of stuck for words following Jim’s ‘800-pound elephant cock’ statement – but the moral of the story is, if you’ve got a micropenis then don’t sweat. You can still work it.