This Is Why People Worry They’re Not Good In Bed

By : Joseph LoftusTwitterLogo


It’s hardly the sort of thing that most of you would shout from the rooftops, but I’m pretty sure that a lot of you, if not the majority of you do in fact worry that you’re not all that good when it comes to sex. 

But have you ever wondered why?

Countless surveys, research, and investigations have proved that us homo-sapiens are astonishingly good at putting ourselves down.

We are a massively insecure race. We think we are too unattractive, too boring, too fat, too thin, too nonathletic, too everything – yet we rarely think that we are just right, as Goldilocks would say.

This Is Why People Worry Theyre Not Good In Bed School of lifeThe School of Life / YouTube

But according to the great guys over at The School of Life, the truth is – the ability to have great sex, and our fear of not being good at it, stems almost entirely from the mind.

They say that three particular anxieties are the root of our insecurity: we fear that our bodies aren’t attractive enough, that we don’t practice or know about certain positions, or that we tire too easily – and these three anxieties reflect the idea that sex is ultimately an athletic activity and that to enjoy good sex one has to be athletic and able to flex and move into complicated positions.

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The narrator of the three minute clip compares sex to the art of sending a dirty message, saying:

As new technology is showing us, it’s quite possible for two people to generate extraordinary eroticism while their bodies are a continent or more apart.

That’s because eroticism is, in truth, about something else entirely – ideas.

Being a good lover is first and foremost a skill of the mind.

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But not like that^.

He continues:

Good sex allows us to admit to and share a maximal amount of what we must normally keep hidden. In good sex we will for example be allowed to show that we are more interested in controlling or dominating someone than we normally let on.

Or conversely we might like to submit and be entirely weak.

We might like to subvert the hierarchy’s of normal life by exploring scenarios of pilots and cabin attendants, professors and students, patients and doctors.

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You get the picture.

Well anyhow, the narrator explains that all of these particular lusts, desires, fetishes, and kinks do not stem from the body but the mind – Descartes was right.

The School of Life conclude the insightful clip by saying:

The person who is good in bed isn’t the one who knows how to articulate themselves rhythmically for extended periods, it’s the person who encourages, endorses and legitimates our secret, lonely selves.

At the same time, they are very aware of and honest about their own private wishes and enthusiasms. It’s about a mutual nakedness of the mind made possible by trust.

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So while being fit and healthy is certainly a plus when it comes to the bedroom, deep down all you really need to do to have great sex is to be truthful – to open your mind, be honest, and be confident in yourself.

Go have some fun.


The School of Life