50 Cent Performs Sex Act On A Statue, Gets Nowhere

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50 Cent Performs Sex Act On A Statue, Gets Nowhere GettyImages 484075410 1200x800Getty

We’d imagine 50 Cent is quite lucky in love, but his new beau has proved nothing short of unresponsive.

The rapper posted photos to Instagram showing himself simulating sex acts on a statue, as he celebrated the launch of his own-brand EFFEN vodka at a Dallas nightclub.

You know, as you do…

A photo posted by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

Although a picture is worth a thousand words, Fiddy opted to caption the photos with an eloquent example of his modern-day poetry:

I told her all I needed was time to talk to her. I was trying to figure out why she was so cold. (Detroit playa shit)

A photo posted by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

The wooing (along with Fiddy’s commentary) went on:

As I continued to speak, I could see she was intrigued by the things I said to her.

A photo posted by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

In the end though, Fifty’s valiant efforts to take the perfectly-formed statuesque lady to his Candy Shop culminated in a cold, hard rejection.

He lamented:

Then I said you know you want to give me some, stop playing so much girl DAMN we grown. LMAO she a cold freak. ? SHE SUCK ME OUT THE FRIEND ZONE.

Fifty seemed undeterred and refused to let this unfortunate incident dampen his spirits. By the looks of the video shot by other party-goers, there were plenty of other fish in the pool anyway.

Perhaps he’ll file this fail under ‘Get laid or die trying’.

After all that vodka, we can hardly blame the guy.