Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your Team

By : Marley Anderson |


Barton web Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your TeamGuardian

Nearly every team has one.

One of those insufferable players you love to hate. They litter leagues across the world and opposition fans pray that one of their players gives them a proper clattering.

But if they play for your team, you have to like them – sometimes you even love them.

It’s the rule and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re forced to stick up for them in the pub when your mates are slating them, and you quickly become adept at defending the indefensible.

In case you were wondering why we started to think about those players, Chelsea’s very own ‘Captain, Leader, Legend’ inspired our train of thought after his actions against Everton.

With that in mind, we put together a list of seven of the very worst, and it’s sure to get your blood boiling.


Barton 1 Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your Team

Joey Barton

How could we start anywhere else?

The Nietzsche-loving, Neymar-hating Burnley midfielder has had his fair share of clubs over the years, but wherever he’s been, the punters hate him.

He’s almost an exception to this list because even some of his own fans turn on him, thanks to his career of misdemeanours.

But he’s definitely included, whether it be for stubbing a cigarette in a youth team player’s eye, spending time in jail or just being himself on Twitter.

Well done, Joey, you’re the perfect start to this list.


Cattermole Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your TeamThe Chronicle

Lee Cattermole


This odious little swine has been around for years now and it’s beyond anyone who doesn’t support Sunderland’s comprehension as to why.

The serial hacker has been patrolling the midfield at the Stadium of Light for so long he has a direct debit account set up with the FA, thanks to his years of chopping down more talented players as they skip by him.

Over the past decade, we’ve become accustomed to having an ‘anchor man’ in midfield, but Cattermole is the polar opposite to Claude Makelele – the man who made being a defensive midfielder an art form.


Shawcross 1 Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your TeamExpress

Ryan Shawcross

Despite being tipped for an England call-up, Shawcross shouldn’t expect too many neutrals calling for his plane ticket to France this summer.

At best, Shawcross is a ‘throwback to the stereotypical English defender’ but in reality, he’s an overly-aggressive bully who literally wrestles opposing strikers to stop them playing – on a good day. Aaron Ramsey anyone?

The Stoke captain is almost the player-equivalent of his former manager Tony Pulis, another reason to dislike him.

That’s lost on the Stoke fans, who seem to think he’s blameless, and even boo his victims, because why don’t you deserve abuse after having your leg broken in two?


Terry 2 Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your TeamThe Sun

John Terry

Ah, John Terry.

Whether it be shagging Wayne Bridge’s former flame or getting kitted out fully to lift a trophy despite playing no part in the final, every non-Chelsea fan hates JT.

It doesn’t even matter that he is one of the best defenders in English history, the amount of personal life cock-ups ensures everyone who witnesses him play has a right to give him some abuse. A right many opt to take, too.

He seems like the sort of guy who would wipe his arse with your favourite shirt and show no remorse while doing so.

It’s only a shame he hasn’t moved clubs, so even Chelsea fans can join in the hatred.


Suarez 640x426 Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your TeamSky Sports

Luis Suarez

Heading to the continent now andĀ there’s no way Luis Suarez could not make this list.


After numerous discrepancies for biting and a racism charge against Patrice Evra that resulted in a measly eight-game ban, Suarez isn’t too high on many people’s Christmas card list.

Now flourishing in the devastating front three of Barcelona, Suarez has managed to unite the world in hatred – no mean feat for anyone on this list.

His indiscretions mean his chances of ever landing the Ballon d’Or are slim, and he’s currently serving a two game ban in the Copa for abusing Espanyol’s goalie.

That being said, his ability is sublime, and if anyone says they don’t want him in their team, they’re lying.


Cost Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your TeamBBC

Diego Costa

Since making an instant impact in the Premier League after his big-money move from Atletico Madrid two years ago, Diego Costa has set about starting a fight with every other human in existence.

He’s doing well, too.

Whether it’s wrestling with anyone he can lay a hand on at a corner or starting a fight in an empty room, Costa is one of those players you hope gets a taste of his own medicine sometime soon.

He even managed to get injured, realise he was on the sidelines and crawl back onto the pitch in order to get treatment and slow the game down. As you do.

It wouldn’t surprise anyone to see footage of Costa two-footing a small child in a charity game in a Boris Johnson style in years to come, such is hisĀ impressive ability to be a dick to just about everyone.

pepe1 640x426 Seven Footballers Who Are C*nts, Unless They Play For Your TeamDaily Mail


When Pepe goes anywhere near anyone, everyone flinches.

Even if you’re watching on TV hundreds of miles away, you know something’s likely to break when you see the Portuguese lunatic flying in for a tackle.

The defender is no stranger to a red card, and even got sent to anger management after losing control against Getafe.

Real Madrid fans don’t think he does anything wrong, and stamping on Leo Messi’s hand made him a cult hero, but for the majority of fans, he’s a f*cking bastard.