The Premier League is the best league in the world.
But that doesn’t mean it’s packed to the brim with players of a similar skillset to Alexis Sanchez, Sergio Aguero and Dimitri Payet.
Oh no, the English top flight has their fair share of absolute stinkers. Players who are so bad, it’s a shock when you see them make a team sheet on a Saturday afternoon.
There was plenty of competition for this list but I’ve got it down to the seven worst who are somehow still earning a living at the highest level.
Without further ado, here it is…
Everton’s Tony Hibbert kicks us off, having not played a game since December 2014.
Hibbert is somehow still only 34 and he’s been at Everton for his entire career, coming through the ranks as a trainee before making 242 appearances for his beloved side.
He’s never been on loan, and the only time he’s ever found the back of the opposition’s net is during his testimonial.
At the height of his career, he was a solid right-back who wouldn’t make too many mistakes but for those of you who don’t know what writers mean when they describe someone as ‘solid’, it usually means they were pretty shit.
It wasn’t until I was flicking through my fantasy football page that I realised Hibbert was still a Premier League player and it instantly gave me belief that there’s still time for me.
It wasn’t until O’Neil scythed through Ibrahim Afellay back in January – earning himself one of the most obvious red cards in Premier League history – that people remembered that the 32-year-old was still a Premier League player.
You’d think a man of his ability would be floundering in League One in the latter stages of his career but no, he’s in Alex Neil’s Canaries squad and has played 710 minutes of top flight action this season.
Formerly of *deep breath* QPR, West Ham, Middlesbrough, Cardiff, Walsall and Portsmouth, the central midfielder has amassed a transfer total of just £5m throughout his career, which sums up just how good he was.
In terms of playing ability, Tomas Rosicky is leagues above the rest of the players on this list.
He’d run rings around Tony Hibbert and has played at the very highest level during his illustrious career, which includes two FA Cup winners medals and three Czech Player of the Year awards.
But, having made just 360 appearances in an 18-year career – an average of 20 games a season – his injuries have affected his ability to become one of Europe’s best midfielders.
Rosicky seems to regain fitness every time his contract is about to run out, prompting Arsene Wenger to give him a new deal and continue to pick up his whopping salary.
He’s made just one appearance this season, and is currently on the shelf with a thigh injury and presumably won’t recover from it anytime soon.
Or as Joe Kinnear famously called him, ‘Charles Insomnia’.
A player who once looked like a genuinely promising talent, N’Zogbia has made a career of dodgy choices (choosing to leave Newcastle United for Wigan Athletic being the most baffling) and opts to collect his cash rather than play first-team football.
The 29-year-old is still at Aston Villa and despite playing just 43 minutes of football this season, is happy to pick up his wages – which are rumoured to be north of £60k a week.
N’Zogbia once won two caps for France (presumably in a raffle) but is now firmly in the ‘unfulfilled potential’ bin.
Possibly the most pointless player in existence.
Signed by none other than Manchester City, Wright has never even played a game for the former Premier League champions since joining in 2012.
In fact, Wright’s last appearance was over four years ago, when he was in goal for Ipswich Town. He conceded three goals in a 3-2 defeat.
Now 38, Wright does work with City’s coaching team but is still registered as a player, making it onto the bench when either Joe Hart or Willy Caballero picks up an injury. Manuel Pellegrini has nightmares about substituting him on.
Rightly so, Manuel.
Wes Brown has seven Premier League winners medals. Just let that sink in for a second.
Despite making it to the top of the game when he played for the all-conquering Manchester United, Brown has long since past his best but still remains under contract at Sunderland.
In fairness, Sunderland have a habit of picking up once-decent Man Utd players – John O’Shea is also still at the Stadium of Light (he narrowly missed out on this list), while Roy Keane once had a turbulent time as manager.
36-year-old Brown has averaged 15 games a season during his 20-year career and has played six games this campaign, conceding 15 goals in the process.
Barely a household name at his own address.
Kelvin Davis somehow remains part of the Southampton squad, despite never actually being a good goalkeeper.
He proved that earlier this season, when he was given a rare run-out by Ronald Koeman as the Saints went through a goalkeeping crisis. Davis conceded two completely avoidable goals as Leicester were held to a 2-2 draw.
Southampton actually paid Sunderland £1m for his services back in 2006 and 271 appearances later, he’s still there – despite only playing 27 times in the last four years.
The 39-year-old is currently fourth choice goalie at St. Mary’s, but is happy enough to collect his wages ahead of his impending retirement.