Now that New Year’s Eve has been and gone, and now we are starting to feel a little bit more human again, it’s time for a bit of reflection.
Lots of people post shit like ‘2014 was a roller coaster of a year, bring on 2015, new year, new me’ on social media. However..
A lot DID happen in 2014. And it was somewhat of a roller coaster. Here is some of it…
A load of people took a photo at an awards ceremony, and a load of people retweeted it.
Lauren Goodger nearly stood in a puddle, and that made the news.. somehow.
Simon Cowell became a dad. Poor kid. Well, not POOR, but you know what I mean.
The Winter Olympics happened and we pretended we knew what was happening in curling. And thoroughly enjoyed it when that womans lycra split.
Mike Tyson did this on live TV and it was well funny..
Cheryl Cole got married to some french bloke after 3 months. Can’t even be arsed googling what her new name is, so let’s just call her Cheryl. Like Madonna. Only not as good. Or muscly.
U2 forced their new album on to every iPhone in the world. Getting a Samsung was a GREAT decision to be fair.
Gary Busey went on Celebrity Big Brother, was a bellend to everyone, and we loved it, so he won.
A ballroom dancer squared up to Audley Harrison, a boxer. And our money would be on the dancer to be honest.
Katie Hopkins. Take your pick which story about this vile prick you want to include, because I don’t want to talk about her anymore.
Ice Bucket Challenges dominated social media, for like, a week. Some were mildly amusing and creative, most were rubbish and boring. Still, at least it raised awareness for ALS.
Revenge porn was made illegal. Probably a good thing.
So was porn that included BDSM, facesitting and squirting… Best delete my browser history, then.
People queued for days to get their hands on the new iPhone 6. Like this helmet..
Everyone went mad for pretend cigarettes.
Shia LaBeouf isn’t famous anymore. But he is still a nob.
‘The Fappening’ happened. Terrible. Gross invasion of privacy. But, like… let’s have a look then.
Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow announced that they were ‘Consciously uncoupling’. While Cee Lo Green took part in some unconscious coupling.
Kanye West took his ‘Yeezus’ status too seriously when he tried to make wheelchair users stand up. Dick.
Renee Zellweger got replaced by a completely different Renee Zellweger.
Russell Brand became a revolutionary. Kind of. Revolutiony-wutiony.
Justin Bieber had his house raided for throwing eggs at his neighbours house. Which is pathetic as it is funny. But not as funny as Orlando Bloom punching him while Leo DiCaprio laughed and cheered.
Bums. Bums happened. The world went booty mad. Not a bad thing either.
Kim Kardashian ‘broke the internet’. Not by sitting on it either.
Lots of news reporters got fucked. Right in the pussy.
Germany beat Brazil 7-1 in a World Cup semi final, which wasn’t supposed to happen. But it did. And it was funny.
Some bloke on a cooking programme put his cake in the bin and got thrown off. Which was front page news apparently.
Ed Miliband became the poster boy for Subway.
Luis Suarez lost his balance and fell over and banged his teeth on the shoulder of another player. Poor sod. Must have hurt..
Everybody played Flappy Bird for a bit, then nobody gave a shit.
Benefits Street arrived to our screens, under the upsettingly misleading title of ‘poverty porn’.
Tulisa got away with drug dealing and celebrated by turning her mouth into a fish.
Bizarrely, it wasn’t a great year for aviation.
Macklemore somehow won a grammy for ‘Best Rap Album’.
Jay Z got battered by his birds sister in a lift.
Conchita Wurst won Eurovision, and confused a great deal of lads all over the continent.
This lad raised $55k to make a potato salad.
Roy Keane released his autobiography, featuring one of my favourite quotes ever.
Rita Ora, as lovely as she is, made this blunder on Twitter.
The Tour de France was boss. Even if it did annoy half of London for closing the place down for a bit.
Liverpool thought they were going to win the Premier League, then didn’t.
Scotland decided against independence, but put on a decent commonwealth games. Which is like the Olympics but not as good.
Scientists made a rocket land on a comet.
Facebook joined Tesco in their bid for world dominance by buying Whatsapp.
True Detective was incredible.
So was the second series of Peaky Blinders.
Loads of people banged on about Game Of Thrones as well. But I thought that was shit, to be honest.
We sadly lost some people in 2014 too.
Like Rik Mayall, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Peaches Geldof, Bob Hoskins, Phil Hughes and the legendary Robin Williams.
It was an amazing year. Trying to remember everything that has happened in it during my annual winter dose of man-flu has been difficult, so apologies if I’ve missed anything off there that you thought should have been. But y’know… I remembered bums, and ‘fuck her right in the pussy’, and that is pretty much it, right?