Writing for UNILAD for the past six months, I’ve had to write about a lot of crazy shit, you can’t even imagine. But this, this – is really fucked up.
I’m gonna jump the gun here and put it bluntly – have you ever fantasised about fucking an M&M? Particularly the green one?
Now I’m not being weird – this isn’t a high ranking fantasy of mine, but according to The Daily Dot, there’s a lot of people out there who want to eat the Green M&M in more ways than one.
Am I the only person that would have sex with the Green M&M given the opportunity? Be honest. pic.twitter.com/bsB5PhYQB3
— Paranormal Zactivity (@phanarchist) December 17, 2013
I’m never going on Facebook again. Why does Mars’ marketing team want people to do sex to the green M&M? pic.twitter.com/BzZ53JtoKk
— Hau Chu (@hauchu) June 30, 2013
The green M&M is a modern day sex symbol
— AIDS (@Aidan_Danaher) August 28, 2016
I can imagine that meeting at M&M HQ:
Managing Director: (Stressed out) Okay guys. We need to think and we need to think now. We need a new M&M character. Sales have been low and I, I, I’m gonna be honest with you guys, I just don’t know what to do.
Think tank #1: What about a new Red M&M everybody loves the…
Managing Director: No Gerry, nobody gives a fuck about the Red M&M anymore. It’s old news. It’s done. Finished. Forget about it.
(Silence plagues the board room)
Think Tank #2: Maybe we could do like a nerdy M&M?
Think Tank #3: Yeah, something educational – you know, ‘stay in school’ sort of thing. Could be good for the brand?
Managing Director: You two, I got news for ya. I don’t give a fuck about the brand. What I care about is sales and right now we ain’t got none of them. So do your job and think.
Radical Intern: What about a Green M&M?
Managing Director: Keep talking…
Radical Intern: Well, it could be a sexy M&M. Nobody cares about humour and chocolate anymore. What we need is sex.
And thus the Green M&M was born. And it’s certainly been doing the business.
I want to have as much sex appeal as the green m&m
— kales (@kayleyash) March 20, 2016
Y'all niggas know you'd fuck the green m&m come on now https://t.co/W72aMEWXlj
— 👹🎃かわいい王🎃👹 (@retardsama) September 11, 2016
ID FUCK THE GREEN M&M https://t.co/ksmDRfiqrw
— 🎃🎃🎃 (wiht slther) (@KillEveryGamer) September 9, 2016
Miss Green is one of only two female M&M’s so I guess there isn’t too much to fantasise about – and with her long legs, laced with thigh high boots, her perpetually raised eyebrows, long eyelashes, and those dark, dark eyes – it’s easy to see why her appeal is just sex sex sex.
No I’m joking – fictitious chocolate just doesn’t do it for me anymore. And if chocolate ever was hot, it’d melt so…
The Daily Dot