Of all the daily problems we face in the modern world, being stuck in a continuous, floating space-nightmare would be pretty annoying – just ask Matt Damon.
No, don’t ask Matt Damon, ask the very real human-being that actually exists, who goes by the name of Abacha Tunde, an Air Force Major and the ‘first ever African in space’.
Major Tunde is currently lost in space after journeying to ‘the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T’ in 1989. He’s been there ever since. Nightmare.
The story recently came to light when Tunde’s understandably concerned friends emailed the guys at Anorak. Their plea to bring him home is a heartbreaking one, and requires $3million.
If the above image text is a little small, here is the email text in all of its glory…
Subject: Nigerian Astronaut Wants To Come Home
Dr. Bakare Tunde
Astronautics Project Manager
National Space Research and Development Agency (NASRDA)
Garki, Abuja, FCT NIGERIA
Dear Mr. Sir,
REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.
In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.
Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.
Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.
Kindly expedite action as we are behind schedule to enable us include downpayment in this financial quarter.
Please acknowledge the receipt of this message via my direct number 234 (0) 9-234-XXXX only.
Yours Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde
Astronautics Project Manager
If you haven’t already guessed by now (god help you if you haven’t), the whole thing is one elaborate scam attempt much similar but different in size to the usual ‘African Prince’ scam emails that fill up your spam folder – and while still wildly annoying, we have to commend them for this new, fresh approach.
We hope Major Tunde makes his way back to Earth in one piece.