Picture the scene. You’ve had a heavy meal, a king prawn vindaloo washed down with nine pints of Cobra and a double brandy just to clean the palate.
You wake up the next day in a blurry haze, already forgetful of how you eventually got home, and then you feel it – one of natures most natural instincts. The unforgiving urge in your lower intestine and bowls: you need a shit – Herculean in size and scotch bonnet in temperature, reports KXAN.
Stumbling still half cut to the bathroom you lift the toilet lid and plonk yourself down before performing an articulate double take and standing up once again. What the fuck is that in the toilet? An adult rattlesnake.
That’s what happened (sort of, the curry bit was a lie) to this family in Jones County, Texas – but this American horror story is about to get even worse.
When the family saw the snake they called in the fearless fuckers over at Big Country Snake Removal who noticed that the snake had snuck into the toilet through an open relief pipe.
They then noticed ‘a few problematic areas’ – and this is where the horrorshow really begins.
In their own words:
When I arrived, I immediately noticed a few problematic areas. Intuition took me directly to a storm cellar where I safely removed 13 adult rattlesnakes.
After a thorough perimeter check, I crawled underneath the house where I removed another 10, 5 being babies…. 24 snakes total, (including the toilet snake) and the family had no idea….
24. FUCKING. SNAKES. And the family had absolutely no idea. Oh dear lord.
The snake removal company explained that it’s worryingly easy for this sort of thing to occur, writing:
How is this possible? It’s actually quite simple; rattlesnake are secretive and can be very cryptic- They rely heavily on their camouflage. This is simply how they survive. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there….
Well that’s me checking the toilet from now on.
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.