I’ve never had a cat but every time I’ve come into contact with one they’ve sneered at me like they wished I was more than dead.
Playing football on the patch of grass outside our house we called a garden and after just five youthful minutes noticing our new Champion’s League ball is now smeared in feline faeces.
Another time I remember watching a cat rag a small bird to death in the street outside my window only to play with its corpse for a moment before leaving it to dry out in the sun.
My only other memorable memory with a cat was when one strolled up to me real nicely as I chomped into a tuna sandwich. I felt nice so decided to share half with the puss but when it finished eating it bounced off, snearing once more.
Hell, it seemed to me for a long while that cats just don’t like us humans, nor do they like anything about life in general. Cats are the quintessential nihlist, forever tired and annoyed and wanting to bring everybody down with them.
However – a new blob of research carried out over at the Oregon State University has found that cats do actually rather like us humans, according to the New York Times.
The test involved offering 38 cats a choice between food, a toy, an interesting smell, or attention from a human – and while thirty-seven percent preferred food, 50 per cent opted for the anthropoid friend.
So although cats can often be cunts – apparently, if scientific research is anything to go by, they do actually like humans just for being humans.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.