Man Blames Cat For Getting Wife Pregnant After It Poked Holes In Condoms
Of all the excuses for an unexpected pregnancy, ‘the cat did it’ isn’t one that immediately springs to mind.
Yet one man is placing all of the blame for his wife getting pregnant on his feline friend, after they had sex using a condom that the pesky animal had poked holes in.
Obviously, they didn’t know about the cat’s antics at the time or they wouldn’t be in the position they’re in now, pretty much five weeks later and five weeks into a pregnancy they didn’t plan.
To provide some context to the situation, the man’s wife gave birth last year and the couple decided to hold off on child number two for ‘at least a couple of years’ due to the difficulty of the first pregnancy and concerns over the global health crisis.
After his wife stopped taking the pill because it was making her feel ‘very sick’ and she wanted to lose some weight, they decided to use condoms, thinking they would ‘be enough’ to prevent a pregnancy.
However their ‘evil genius’ cat had other plans, with the man sharing their story on Reddit along with the caption: ‘Today I f*cked up by letting the cat get my wife pregnant…’
Redditor Playtonic1 went on to describe how the cat ‘gets into everything’, including any door, drawer, or cabinet. ‘If he knows where something he wants is he WILL find it,’ he wrote.
The unsuspecting man continued:
So how did I f*ck up and let him impregnate my wife? Well, my first f*ck up was storing the condoms in the same drawer as the Q-tips, which he loves to get into and shred apart.
He must have seen the box of Q-tips in the drawer when I put my rubbers away, because not even an hour later I stumbled upon a horrific scene of chewed plastic straws, shredded cotton fluff and shiny gold condom wrappers scattered around the gaping drawer that once contained them…
His next mistake was assuming the condoms had simply ‘spilled everywhere’ and putting them back into their box ‘without a concern in the world’, later using them that same night while having sex with his wife.
Fast forward to three weeks later, when his wife started complaining of nausea and tender breasts. ‘We immediately shoot each a concerned glance as this ain’t our first rodeo, and she felt the same way before discovering her first pregnancy,’ he explained.
So she took a test ‘just to be sure’ – ‘followed by another one… and another one…’ – and lo and behold, she was pregnant. The Redditor added: ‘We start wracking our brains wondering what happened when suddenly it hits me… that damned cat.’
Here’s a picture of the naughty (but adorable) cat, just for reference:
After having his eureka moment, the guy ran to the bathroom drawer where he kept the condoms, ‘dumped out the box on the counter and started to inspect each miserable little foil square’.
Sure enough, he realised that several of them had scratches, teeth marks and even full blown punctures in them, and it soon became extremely clear how they had ended up in this situation.
Well, at least they’ll have a unique conception story to tell their son or daughter one day!
If you have a story you want to tell, send it to UNILAD via [email protected]