‘Neurotic, Man Hating’ Dog Wins Hearts With Hilariously Honest Adoption Post
A hilarious yet honest adoption post for a ‘man-hating, animal-hating, children-hating’ dog is winning the hearts of the internet.
Anyone in the New Jersey area in the US looking for a ‘chucky doll in a dog’s body’ should consider adopting Prancer, the adorable Chihuahua causing havoc in his owner’s home.
In a post on Facebook earlier this week, Tyfanee Fortuna said she has tried to post Prancer for adoption several times in recent months, but could never get the wording quite honest enough while also making him sound ‘palatable’.
‘There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man-hating, animal hating, children hating dogs that look like gremlins,’ she begins.
‘But I have to believe there’s someone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home,’ she wrote.
Describing him as ‘literally the Chihuahua meme’ of being ‘50% hate and 50% tremble’, she says Prancer came to her obese, with a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich stuffed into the crate with him.
‘I should have known in that moment this dog would be a problem,’ she says, explaining that his previous owner ‘treated him like a human’ and never took him outside or to meet other dogs or humans.
‘Sprinkle in a little genetic predisposition for being nervous, and you’ve concocted a neurotic mess, AKA Prancer … I am convinced at this point he is not a real dog, but more like a vessel for a traumatized Victorian child that now haunts our home,’ she said.
The post has already received 30,000 shares, with users commending Fortuna for the hilarious post.
Having previously lived with an elderly lady, it makes sense that Prancer is very protective of women. The problem is, he also hates men.
‘He hates men more than women do, which says a lot. If you have a husband don’t bother applying, unless you hate him. He bonds to a woman/women, and takes his job of protection seriously. He offers better protection than Capitol security,’ Fortuna jokes.
‘We have somewhat come to an agreement that it’s wrong to attack the other animals. But you know that episode of The Office where Michael Scott silently whispers “I’ll kill you.” to Toby? That’s Prancer having to begrudgingly coexist with everyone when I’m around,’ she explains.
If you’re still intrigued, it turns out Prancer does have many good traits, too. For a start, she says he’s loyal beyond belief, although ‘if someone tried to kill you I can guarantee he would run away screeching’.
‘But as far as companionship, you will never be alone again. He likes to go for car rides, he is housebroken, he knows a few basic commands, he is quiet and non-destructive when left alone at home, and even though we call him bologna face he is kind of cute to look at,’ Fortuna adds.
‘If you have people over he would have to be put away like he’s a vacuum. I know finding someone who wants a Chucky doll in a dogs body is hard, but I have to try,’ she wrote.
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