In a good news story of love conquering all, a dedicated pet owner recently dropped $500 (£375) to save her goldfish from certain death-by-pebble.
Emma Marsh bought her pet goldfish – aptly named Conquer – just over a year ago for the princely sum of $12 (£9), but when she noticed her companion choking on a pebble in its tank, money became no object in saving its life.
Marsh and Conquer rushed to the vets, reports The Independent, where Dr Emma McMillan dripped anaesthetic into the fish tank until Conquer fell asleep. Her team then proceeded to remove the offending pebble with forceps.
Dr McMillan said:
The pebble was about eight or nine millimetres long and was stuck length-ways across the side of his mouth, which is why he couldn’t spit it out.
He was making excessive mouth movements trying to dislodge it … if we did nothing he would have starved to death.
The procedure may have saved Conquer’s life but it cost Marsh $100 (£75) for the emergency consultation and $400 (£300) for the anaesthetic and an overnight stay in hospital.
Here are all the other things she could have bought with $500:
- 1 labradoodle
- 2 ounces of high grade marijuana
- 10 Level 30+ Pokemon Go accounts (feat. Snorlax and Dragonite)
- 100 venus fly traps
- 500 goldfish
If those suggestions weren’t to your liking, this clever Reddit user has a Plan B… And C, and D, and E, and… You get the idea.
Comparatively, the $500 spent on a pet with a shelf life as short as its memory might seem like a stretch. In actual fact, even though some people believe goldfish to have just a three-second memory, science has proven that to be a myth.
In fact, this little guppy like all his goldfish pals has a memory spanning three months.
So perhaps the woman was right to save her goldfish’s life and reap three whole months worth of love and affection before the ungrateful bastard forgets about the whole thing.
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.