A Norwegian man just topped all your nightmare Ikea furniture assembly stories.
Claus Jørstad wrote a long, detailed message on the IKEA Norway Facebook page, explaining the disturbing details of how he unintentionally got his testicles stuck in a small hole on the company’s chair.
In case you don’t read Norwegian, the Daily Dot reports that Claus wrote to Ikea: “Sitting there and noticing the accident, I bent down to see what the fuck happened, I realized the little nutter has got stuck.”
Kjerringa dro mæ på ræk i hele søkksvære butikken dokkers, som va omtrent like stor som kjæften til naboen da…
Referring to his nether-regions as ‘the skipper and two sailors’, Claus explained that as the water got hot, his body temperature increased and, consequently, so did the size of his balls. Eventually, one became stuck in the chair and he couldn’t move. Ouch.
He said: “And as I couldn’t move, I started pondering how the hell I was gonna get outta the mess. After a lot of pondering forth and back, I realized I had no bloody ideas.”
But he wasn’t stuck for long. Claus continued: “The water turned cold by itself. So I started freezing. The water got cold. Even more cold than my mother-in-law’s smile when I married her daughter.”
With cold water comes shrinkage, and Claus was eventually freed.
IKEA responded on Facebook: “‘Hey Claus. We recommend that you take the stool out of the shower…if you choose to keep it in the shower, make sure you are well dressed for your next sea excursion.”
They also suggested taking the stool out of the shower and using it to hold a nice flower pot, but Claus posted a photo of his own solution: a washcloth draped across the chair to cover the wholes. He nicknamed it ‘weinermonkey’ – probably to prevent any future mishaps.
Claus now uses the stool as a flower pot holder. Instead of asking for a refund, he simply asked Ikea if the Marius chair came in yellow.
That definitely tops all other Ikea stories for a lifetime.