In Partnership With KFC
April is supposed to be the cruellest month, but not this year. No, in 2018 it was February when dark days swept across Britain, creating a widespread epidemic of panic and fear.
But just what was it that stirred the pot of terror, pricking the hearts of all in the land with upset and worry?
KFC had run out of chicken. Just those words alone cast my mind back to the dark days of suffering.
Fear not, my friends, for the dark days are over. The days of panic and chaos are long gone and the shadow of sorrow has vanished into thin air.
With this change, the second coming is at hand. As if descending from the heavens, Colonel Harland Sanders, the one and only true Chicken Connoisseur, has returned – starring in his first UK television advert in over 40 years.
Oh what a day it is when the finger lickin’ chicken God that is Colonel Sanders returns – with his reappearance symbolising a return to full strength just months after the nation’s favourite chicken restaurant ran out of chicken. Never again!
In the ad, which will feature on our screens tonight, Colonel Sanders will showcase his hardcore determination and grit. A few days without chicken means nothing to this mythological legend of all things tasty.
You can’t get rid of the Colonel that easily. I can smell the special blend of 11 herbs and spices in the air already!
At one point in the ad, Sanders preaches to the disillusioned, those who thought KFC was done and dusted, to those who considered turning their back on Sanders during his one time of weakness.
To them he says:
My philosophy – don’t quit. Even in tough times, I’d always give the best there was in me. And you’ll always get the best in return.
I will never leave you!
Today, KFC still follows proudly in his traditions: hand-made food, freshly prepared by trained cooks daily, and the same Original Recipe as it was back in the 1950s.
Speaking about the return, Meghan Farren, Chief Marketing Officer for KFC UK and Ireland, said:
The Colonel’s back, and it’s about time too. We went through a tricky spell earlier this year – but his values, his philosophy and ultimately his recipe got us all through it. We’re glad to be back.
The ad gets its debut screening tonight during Britain’s Got Talent, and will also be shown on BT Sport’s UEFA Champions League Final coverage. The Final is in Kiev. Chicken. Sorry.
I guess all that’s left to do now is to merely thank the chicken god for coming back to us. Thank you Colonel Sanders! When we needed you most you returned. We knew you had never left but now we can finally witness you in the flesh once again.
But just how can we celebrate our lord and savoury saviour’s return? Boneless banquet anyone? I’ll take a coleslaw with mine.