I’ll be honest, in the face of what appears to be a calamitous future, I’m trying to be a lot more positive about things.
I’ve tried Love Island and enjoyed it, I’ve put aside years of prejudice and started using Instagram, and I even offer my colleagues a hearty hello some mornings, despite my misgivings about all of them.
And yet there are some things so stupid, I feel duty bound to retreat back under the warm quilt of cynicism, where I can hoot and holler in the dark, things like Flip Flop Socks.
Yes, you read that right, for once it wasn’t a typo. ‘Flip Flop Socks’ are a thing and they’re every bit as hideous as they sound.
They basically look like socks with giant holes in the heel and toes, and they seem about as practical as the advice self-declared business guru’s post on LinkedIn.
Never mind the fact socks and sandals should never meet in the first place, these things just look awful, and I’m struggling to see what they’re designed to do?
Are they supposed to keep your foot warm or cold? Because the holes are going to guarantee your toes, at the very least, are still cold but the wool means the sole of your foot is going to be sweating.
It’s a confusing footwear nightmare and I disapprove of it entirely. That said, if you’re slightly easier going about knitted abominations you can wear on your feet, you get yourself a pair on, where else, but Etsy.
Off The Hook by Julie sells the sockdals? Flip-flocks? Slop-flops? For the low, low price of £19.74 and the contrarian nature of the Internet means at least one of you reading this will like them.
To be fair though, these aren’t the worst crime against fashion I’ve ever seen, because we live in a world where clear PVC jeans exist for god knows what reason.
The jeans were sold by Topshop last year, and we can only guess they were testing quite how strict public decency laws were.
After all, can a police officer arrest you for wandering around in your altogether if you’re technically wearing trousers? Checkmate plod!
The jeans, which were completely see-through, were made of polyurethane and Topshop advertised them as out-of-the-ordinary clear plastic jeans, guaranteed to get people talking.
They weren’t wrong…
A lot of people pointed out how, as the $100 (£55) jeans were made from plastic, they wouldn’t breathe, which would mean your legs would get particularly hot and presumably sweaty.
This sweat though would have nowhere to go and because the jeans are see-through, anybody and everybody would be able to see the sweat slowly filling up your horrible plastic trousers.
Anyway, if you for some reason want these jeans, they’re sold out, so you’ll have to console yourself with some bloody sock flip-flop things.
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