Is the only way to make Crocs cool by making them super dangerous as well?
It seems that’s what one seller thinks at least, who has modified a chic black pair of the rubber footwear to make it totally cool, totally goth and totally impractical.
Crocs are the Schrodinger’s Cat of the shoe world – they’re both soft and squishy but hard and stiff, hot (that rubber must make your feet sweat) but cool (plenty of ventilation holes), they’re comfortable for the wearer but uncomfortable for anyone who looks at them, water proof but not (again, holes).
The fancy footwear is being sold on Etsy by HeavyCreamStore, who are flogging the hand-modified Crocs for around £190, plus £28.30 for shipping (if you’re in the UK).
The description reads:
(HEAVY CREAM IS IN NO WAY ASSOCIATED WITH CROCS™ WE BUY THEM RETAIL AND HAND MODIFY THEM)
Punk spike crocs to make your feet into the final form rare Pokémon they were meant to be. (PATENT PENDING)
Made by @garbage_b0y (instagram) and sold by HEAVY CREAM.
The spikes are nickel plated and the chain is high sheen stainless steel.
That’s some high-quality spikes.
The Crocs are modifiable further too, as additional chains be added to attach them to your goth trousers (though I’m not sure many goths go for the bare ankle look, but I’m a bit out of touch with the sartorial direction of those who identify as goth).
Naturally, Twitter had a field day with the customised Crocs.
One person wrote:
Don’t care about backlash right now but… I’d totally wear the fuck out of those “goth” crocs.
Don't care about backlash right now but… I'd totally wear the fuck out of those "goth" crocs.
— 𝔙𝔦𝔰𝔞𝔯𝔦𝔞 🥀 (@VisariaLugosi) April 1, 2019
therapist: goth crocs aren't real, they can't hurt you
goth crocs: pic.twitter.com/CQuTqJztXv
— Dev (@probablysatann) March 26, 2019
April Fools Day and this is NO joke – Goth Crocs are an actual thing! 😳🤮 pic.twitter.com/aYca38Xd7C
— Steve & Karen (@TheSandK) April 1, 2019
A new favourite:
i will instantly marry any man that gives me the goth crocs you guys don’t understand what those shoes mean to me pic.twitter.com/Ala0oY4XD9
— joost (@joceansss) March 31, 2019
Rightfully so, someone questioned the safety of such a fashion choice – those spikes do looks very… spiky.
The originator of the goth crocs, garbage_b0y, did reply though, helpfully saying they ‘hadn’t gored anyone yet’, which is good. I’d give it time though.
Anyway, that’s all we’ve got time for today, I’ll be looking for you next time on Diners, Drive-Ins and Crocs.
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Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.