With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, there’s no doubt your timelines will soon be filled with sickeningly loved up couples showing off their newly acquired gifts and fancy dinners.
It never seems to get switched up either; why not buy each other a tiny goat or a skydiving course? Y’know, something a bit more ‘outside the box’ than the usual jewellery and expensive restaurants?
Don’t worry though, because it’s now possible to treat your partner to a bouquet of flowers! Not the traditional kind, obvs, but ones they can put in their beards so they’re looking flowery fierce. Which is definitely a thing btw.
The bearded decorations are available to buy from firebox.com for just £10.99, meaning you can treat your furry faced other half to a 10/10 present while saving yourself some money at the same time.
The Beard Bouquet supplies bearded folk with nine individual red roses, each of which can be attached ‘seamlessly’ to facial hair with a clip.
What more could you ask for? Forget about beard baubles and beard fairy lights, because beard bouquets are here to stay – until Valentine’s Day, at least.
The website promises that the bouquet will last longer and attract more attention than ‘boring real flowers’ and claims it will give you ‘instant guaranteed pulling power’.
So why not mix it up a bit? Sure, flowers are lovely and they brighten your home up. But then they die, so why not spend your money on these majestic-looking fake flowers instead?
And hey, if a website is promising you an item which guarantees pulling power, you’d better snap it up ASAP. What could possibly go wrong?
The Beard Bouquet’s description reads:
You stuffed your beard with fairy lights, tinsel and baubles at Christmas – how the hell are you going to top that for Valentine’s Day? She’s already seen what your facial fuzz can do. There’s only one solution. Beard Bouquet, obviously.
Clip these 9 beautiful blossoms into your majestic face fuzz and let them work their magic. We’ve selected super comfortable clips that won’t tug or pull, so wearing them all day is definitely an option if you decide it’s a look too good to save for your date.
One look at your flower stuffed facial hair and you’ll be enjoying her secret garden in no time. Well, best not gild the lily, we can’t promise THAT, but we can promise they will provide the perfect fertiliser for your blossoming romance. Who could resist a man with a face of beautiful, romantic roses? Only an idiot, that’s who.
And as though these bouquets haven’t delivered a big enough blow to those of you who can’t grow facial hair, I’m here to ruin your day that little bit more – because new research suggests that men with beards, as well as being more attractive to women, also make better boyfriends.
The research paper, called The Masculinity Paradox: Facial Masculinity and Beardedness Interact to Determine Women’s Ratings of Men’s Facial Attractiveness, looked at the association between men’s facial hair and women.
It was published in the Journal of Evolutionary Biology and looked at the association between men’s facial hair and women. 8,520 women were asked to rate men – both with and without facial hair – on a spectrum of ‘relationship longevity’ to see which ones were deemed long-term relationship material.
And – surprise, surprise – the bearded selection came out on top; every single one of the women taking part rated the bearded images the highest compared to the clean-shaven ones.
The women also said they would consider these men as being long-term relationship material, whereas clean-shaven men were more suitable for casual relationships. Which, you’ve got to be honest, is fairly impressive.
Now if you’ll just excuse me while I go persuade my boyfriend to grow a beard…
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