If you’re anything like me, this recent wave of hot weather will have had you thinking about investing in some new swimwear.
My pale Northern legs have never seen so much sun, and they need cooling off with a dip in the pool. But what swimwear do I pair my pasty pins with?
Well, it seems my sartorial stress may have just been relieved, as you can now buy swimsuits covered in the faces of your mates!
It doesn’t have to be one face, either, you can have a mix of up to five faces, so you don’t have to leave any bezzies out.
The suits have a scoop neckline and a low-scoop back, the swimsuit is made of chlorine-resistant fabric and is hand-sewn in sizes XS-3XL.
The piece is priced at £31.59 and – as the team are Texas-based – shipping charges to the UK are around £11.85.
It doesn’t stop at swimsuits, though. The Etsy store will also whack your friends’ faces on beach towels, t-shirts, aprons and leggings.
If swimsuits are your things though, fear not fashionista! There’s whole range of clothes which you can plaster you partner’s face over.
Firebox have created a product which allows you to ‘sit proudly upon the faces of your friends and loved ones’ in the form of personalised pants.
So, if PDAs aren’t your thing, you can walk around safe in the knowledge that, depending on who you show your pants to, your appreciation of your friend/lover/friend with benefits is right there in your crotch.
Alternatively, you might want to give them out as a present to friends and loved ones with your own face on, a fashionable reminder of your handsome visage.
Firebox describe the pants as:
A friendly face gently cupping your nether regions, smiling back at you whenever you’re feeling down.
They also make the perfect gift for a loved one when you’re not around; whether you want to see them as a warm and comforting presence or a passive-aggressive alternative to a chastity belt – your gorgeous face warding off persistent sexual intruders.
If clothes and underwear still aren’t doing it for you, how about some bedsheets? With faces on, of course. There’s a theme here.
In a totally normal and not creepy manner, you can now have your best mate’s face printed on your bed sheets, because why not?
The special service is offered by the good folks at Shelfies who will customise your duvet and pillowcases with a picture of your choice. So choose who you’ll be snuggling up with wisely.
And I know what you’re thinking, I hope do they do animals too, as I may have just ordered a king-size set with Mr Fluffy’s gorgeous face on.
Now if I could my cat’s face on a swimsuit…to far?
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Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.