As Storm Emma runs rampant across the UK, apparently people are desperately looking to summer for a quick retail fix.
Either that, or Facebook’s sponsored fashion posts have got it wrong, again, as a very unseasonal piece of attire has gone viral, utterly bamboozling the world wide web.
Here is the so-called offending garment, sold by ASOS and produced by PrettyLittleThing:
The Fashion Police have hilariously mocked the design, calling out the many, many holes in which wearers could get their arms stuck doing a quick change on the beach or by the pool.
While the unusually-placed holes might be enough to confuse the less fashion-forward customer, it was the functionality – or lack thereof – which a curious Amna Saleem, from Glasgow, called out on Twitter.
Her tweet has since been liked thousands of times by equally ‘bemused’ customers:
Can someone explain to Asos how swimsuits work pls pic.twitter.com/FprMU7nzYo
— Amna (@AGlasgowGirl) March 1, 2018
The 28-year-old writer told UNILAD she was searching the internet for a swimming costume to take on an upcoming holiday to California when she found the alleged swimsuit.
Amid the detailed description of the so-called swimwear, Amna stumbled upon a line saying the cossie ‘cannot be worn in water’ and is ‘dry-clean only’…
Rendering the whole thing totally useless, presumably?
Saying she found the item of clothing both ‘funny and ridiculous’, Amna added:
People in my mentions are finding it equally as ridiculous and bemusing.
Here’s what the Internet Jury had to say:
It's white. I bet they are afraid that it turn transparent when wet.
I guess they made it only for those sweet insta pictures.
— Val •ᴗ• (@konishiwoi) March 2, 2018
Is it one of those things that would put up with you wading into an infinity pool in Dubai but not actually swimming in.
— Cheese! (@craigmair1138) March 2, 2018
Poolside only. ????️☀️⛱️
— Emma Jane Bowles (@BowBelleBlush) March 1, 2018
also looks horribly uncomfortable. I see a day spent boob adjusting in that model's future
— Caroline Criado Perez (@CCriadoPerez) March 1, 2018
A spokesperson for PrettyLittleThing said:
The item in question is actually a ‘fashion’ piece and more of an item to wear around the pool or at pool parties.
Due to the delicateness of the embellishment on it we would not recommended customers actually swim in it.
We’ll be working to get the product description amended on ASOS.
So this is £35-worth of swimsuit not intended for people who love swimming and hate bothersome laundry.
But apparently there is a new demand for totally useless swimwear you can’t actually swim in, if these other styles are anything to go by.
One commentator going by the handle @MissHeatherF21, noted a lovely teal number sold by House of CB which comes with a capitalised warning to all women to ‘NOT GET WET OR IMMERSE IN WATER’, adding ‘bandage swimsuits are for sunbathing only’.
It looks like this ‘non swimable swimwear’ is becoming a thing ? pic.twitter.com/4tI0cKqz6k
— Heather (@MissHeatherF21) March 2, 2018
Frankly, there seems to be nothing worse than being bandaged up in cloistering fabric – by name and nature – which prevents you taking a dip on a hot summer’s day.
Perhaps the fashion for futile clothing is partly driven by the importance of highly-curated Instagram feeds fabricated by social media influencers to sell us a pristine pixellated lifestyle which is totally impractical in real life.
Perhaps it just shows how vapid we’re all becoming. Perhaps it’s just an epic fashion fail.
Either way, everyone knows white fabric and water aren’t exactly a winning combination, so this is one to steer well clear of, in my humble opinion.
UNILAD has contacted ASOS for comment.
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.